Ponderings | Filed under About Me
There are so many things I want to say—-there are even more things I need to say. I learned early and often not to show all I feel. There are times I am quiet and attempt to avoid conflict. At times my outward expression of an emotion—-be it anger, crying, smirking, cheering, joy, or happiness is confused by what I am actually experiencing internally. This confusion seems to happen more and more since Missy took her place in my life.
The many things I need to say and want to say will come in time. Thanks are due to many special people for the kindness you showed Carl and I during the sickness and the recent death of Momma B.
Many of the same friends set out to make certain my birthday was made special. You were successful the day was special..
I wanted to share the beautiful memorial program used during Momma B’s service but at this time I have not received approval from the family to do so.
Several times I have felt alone but never more than during Momma B’s visitation at the funeral home. I looked around and realized something Carl and I had no one from work there—no friends there—and I had no one from my immediate family there.
I have been selfish many times, thinking of what I have lost since Missy took her place in my life but Carl gave up so much to be with me full time. It has not been just me that has lost so much but so has one of the most wonderful men I know, my husband. He chose to leave his employment to be with me full time and provide care for me.
Life is interesting—our friends most often come from our job, church, kids, neighbors or our high school friends. Taking at look at our life where are our friends—-missing. When I left work—of course we were going to stay in touch—did it last?
You are the friends who offered us support and expressed sympathy when we lost Momma B. Some do not understand but the friendships that form here are very strong and yes they are very real. Thank you.
Just for today, I’ll try to focus on growing into someone more than I was yesterday……
June 20th, 2007 at 10:38 pm
Aw, Ms. Vickie - so much of what you write, we can all relate to. I wish I could have been there, in person, for you and Carl. I hope you know I was, in spirit.
You’ve been through, and are going through some difficult times. You’ve persevered; don’t change from who you are, please. I love you for being you, for saying what you feel, and for sharing with us.
June 20th, 2007 at 11:54 pm
Vickie,
I am so pleased to be counted as one of your friends here. SOmetimes, during times of loss, we tend to be particularly analytical of our lives and relationships.
I don’t really think people intend to fall out of contact.
I believe that the Lord sends people into our lives at times when their particular qualities will fill a need. The friendships with the old school mate, co-worker and neighbour, were once such a huge element of our life.
We still have a place in our hearts for the love we once shared with them. But now the Lord has moved them along.
I am glad you can take comfort from the people who were there for you and Carl.
I pray the pain of your loss becomes less and less intense in the weeks to follow.
June 21st, 2007 at 6:01 am
There is no one place friends could come from.
Some come from work others from church, neighbours next door or down the street, people you only see at a pub once a week when you drop in for a drink, online or off line, a friend is a friend no matter where you meet them.
I know it would have been more of a comfort to you and Carl having more friends there with you but because of your situation and where you live, you are limited to the people you know and meet besides the people you’ve met online but I want to assure you even if I wasn’t physically there next to the both of you in that church during Momma Bs funeral, I was there and so were many of us.
If it were possible for us to have been transported there they would have had to add another wing just to accommodate the people that love you online.
The both of you have made sacrifices for each other and your families.
You’ve taken the words “for better for worse, for richer for poorer” and lived by them selflessly.
There’s nothing wrong to want more, it’s not wrong to want what others have or the freedom to go places and do things but you have given all that up to be there for your families where others have chosen and live their lives knowing that Carl and you will be there if there is a problem.
It’s a thankless duty you provide, I just hope those people have recognised this and thanked you for being there in their absence when they were needed most.
I am proud to call you and Carl my friends.
Have a nice day
June 21st, 2007 at 6:28 am
I wish I could have come and been there for you as an extra shoulder to lean on. We live so close and yet are so far away.
You don’t need to change, dear one. It is who you are today that drew us all to you.
Hugsss!!
June 21st, 2007 at 11:53 am
I know that I am a fairly new visitor to your blog, but I do stop in daily looking for word of you. I have thought of you often and prayed for you daily. Hang in there, I know things maybe seem dark right now but you are loved. One of things that has left an impression on me since I first discovered your blog was how strong and insightful you are. A friend of mine often tells me “if God brings ya to it, He’ll bring ya through it…”
June 21st, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Hi Vickie!!! Sending hugs!!!
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:27 am
Dear Vickie ~ This is a lovely thank you post
that I read last night. Our blogging friends
are so great, and are there for us all the time.
I hope you are feeling more at peace now since
Momma B’s passing. And I hope Carl is doing well
Thank you so musch for your comment and concern for my cold - it will pass fairly soon and is nothing compared to what others including
yourself have. Glad you get a smile here.
Take care Vickie, Love, Merle.
June 23rd, 2007 at 4:52 am
Hi Vickie, you don’t need to do anything different, to us, your legion of on-line friends we are there for you always.
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:00 pm
This is so true and I feel it on so many levels.
Thinking of you always since my first visit.
Hugs and Love X
X 
June 27th, 2007 at 9:07 am
As someone else who has Missy visit from time to time (and usually when I can least deal with it), I can totally relate to what you say. My friends on the blogs have pulled me through some tough times on more than one occasion and I agree, these friendships are very real. Blogging can be and has been a life line for me.
Take care of yourself Vickie, I think of you often.