To Whom It May Concern | Filed under General
To Whom It May Concern:
My mother always taught me to send thank you notes. Barring that (since I am a terrible writer) I at least call to say thank you.
So many years after I found out I have MS this is rather belated. I would have called directory assistance, but somehow I doubt they have your number.
Now not being able to exchange this gift at the Cosmic Store, I am still having the philosophical debate with myself that “God does not give you more than you can bear.”
Who came up with that crap anyway? And even if it is true, it does not mean I can’t whine about it in the meantime. I mean—- free will and all that.
And they say man was created in God’s image, well I just have to wonder does that mean you have MS along with every other affliction known to human kind? Boy, that really bites. Kinda makes extinction look like a good thing.
And my body only being a vessel for my mind and spirit thing? Well considering that I have holes in my brain now, and my spirit is taking more than one left hook, I would say the vessel is getting kinda leaky. In fact, it really sucks that I have to stop typing to ponder which words to use since I seem to friggin forget them on a regular basis.
But far be it from me to be so rude and ungracious as to not thank you. I can think of lots of other ways I would have preferred to bond with my Heavenly Father other than having the same disease thank-you-very-much, so I guess I must have looked the gift horse in the mouth.
Now I would not want to seem a totally ungrateful wretch, so I must say I have become quite a bit more introspective. And boy, have I found that I am spending a lot of time in the dark basements these days.
But in all truthfulness, if you see me flipping the bird to the sky, please don’t be offended. It is after all how I honestly feel. And honesty is a good thing, yes?
And for the doctors who think they are God—-how about keeping your mouth shut unless you really know what is wrong. Momma B does not have amyloidosis and has been sent home from the hospital once again without a definitive diagnosis.
There. I have done my duty and written, so that when I am singing with the Choir Invisible I will have one less thing to feel guilty about.
I heard God has a sense of Humor—–I hope so because I needed to laugh since I have cried enough.
Yours truly,
Vickie S.
May 19th, 2007 at 7:57 pm
Thanks for writing Vickie, thanks also for putting your photo back up, coming soon on a computer screen near you… an update on the people who live in my computer.
May 19th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
I believe God MUST have a sense of humor. After all, he gave it to us as a gift! Its one more way of learning to cope.
(((hugs)))
May 19th, 2007 at 10:53 pm
My grandfather had MS. Man is created in God’s image, but we live in a fallen world and I really think things have been steadily going downhill since the beginning, this world does suck a lot of the time and if you can choose to laugh instead of cry, that’s great, because at least you feel a little better. I guess to be able to bear it, we must lean on HIM, alone we can’t. I’ve mentally thrown myself in His arms and just let Him comfort me and I felt more at peace, I didn’t talk, I just pictured Jesus taking me into His arms, some hurts are too deep to be put into words. May you find some comfort in His arms. I look forward to going home. Working nights will speed up my departure a bit. You’re in my prayers!
There’s a lot that doctors don’t know!
May 20th, 2007 at 12:22 am
I loved his I am sorry that you are afflicted with MS it does take its toll.
My Prayers are with you.
May 20th, 2007 at 12:24 am
I ment this not his, damn spelling. I am so glad I made you smile through my post also. xx
May 20th, 2007 at 12:25 am
He definitely has a sense of humor. I wish I had the answers to why you and all the people who have MS and other diseases have to go through what we do.
Keeping the sense of humor gets us through tough times. Thank you for always reminding me of that and laughing with me. You are such a treasure and if I could, I’d take away your pain. Love you, girlfriend!
May 20th, 2007 at 1:50 am
I do happen to agree with Celinnia.
You are a gift Of God to us. Do you remember the first time you came to my blog?
Long ago, one day from Monica’s blog.
Why I thought at that time because I have never visited your blog before.
The goodness in you came to me then, realizing that you came as an angel to sermon peace between two quarrelling friends though you never knew me before.
True that I am not visiting you everyday, but the realisation is there with me about the comfort you spelled at that time…the reason why I am here to write this.
I don’t blame Him because He gave you to all of us…that itself I consider a gift.
May 20th, 2007 at 7:29 am
He gave you a sense of humor. It’s part of your strength.
The one thing that is so hard to remember and I tell this to my kids, is that He didn’t do these things to us…but He is there to give us strength.
When I see my older son with his cross or Bible, I know he believes me, even when he has to wonder and be frustrated just as you must surely be at times.
Take care of you.
May 20th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
((hugs))
I also wonder why things happen. Especially when horrible things happen to good people or awful things happen to innocent children.
I have lost my faith years ago. Most of the time I pretend to believe and I teach my boys Catholicism as I was raised. I feel like a hypocrite but I can deal with that as long as my boys grow up as christians with good values. They can make their own decision about God when they are adults.
Maybe one day I’ll find my way back to my faith.
Maybe one day there will be a cure for MS.
I hope so to both.
May 20th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
God does indeed have a sense of humor, though sometimes I think He forgets to let us in on the joke.
My best friend has had MS for almost 20 years, and it has not gotten any worse, and she is able to live a full life, if she is careful. I hope that will be the case for you as well.
Cheers,
Josie
May 20th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
I can totally relate, my dear old friend. The big D…Dystrophy is making it’s slow, but relentless ravages onto this body as well. I think I persevere only for the sake of my loved ones anymore. My only saving grace is that it is not painful. My physical strength just ebbs away, a little at a time. So hard to be optimistic about the future. But, I can watch my daughters turn into beautiful young women, & only wonder what the future holds for them. My goal & hope in life is that I may still be able to walk them down the aisle, should they decide to marry some day.
May 20th, 2007 at 8:45 pm
I’m so very sorry to hear about your pain. The thing that encourages me the most is that all those who turn to Jesus will be given new bodies someday–bodies that can’t age or succomb to disease or pain of any kind. I surely look forward to that!
In the meantime, it looks like you have wonderful people supporting and encouraging you, and that too is a gift. May God bless you richly, even in times of serious struggle.
May 20th, 2007 at 10:49 pm
My dear friend, Miss Vickie, this is a powerful and honest post. I am glad that you have written it for us to read. I cannot answer any of the questions you ponder. I cannot lessen the pain or frustration you feel. I cannot help your MIL get an accurate diagnosis or make your guilt go away that your mother is in a nursing home when you had promised her otherwise. It makes me sad that I cannot make it all better for you.
I can say and proudly so, that you are my friend, and just knowing that helps me get through some tough decisions. And I will never, ever regret that we have become good friends. I want you to know that it is okay to question your faith. The Big Guy upstairs, well, I don’t think he minds all that much. For the simple reason is that because He knows that you just aren’t going to set around and take it as it comes. He knows you are a fighter. And I truly believe that your faith will gain strength again and be even stronger than before.
I will tell you one thing for sure. You can question God all you want. You can pray for answers until you are blue in the face. Now here is the hard part: He will answer your prayers, but not until He thinks you are ready for the answer. Not when you think you are ready mind you. I know this to be true:
One day you will be sitting around looking at a magazine, maybe reading an article about nothing in particular, and an answer to your prayers will come to your mind as clear as day. And the feeling that comes over you, well, it is unexplainable, but you will know it is from the Big Guy Upstairs.
May 21st, 2007 at 7:44 am
Ms. Vickie - keep reaching out as you have done here! I’m so proud of you, you just don’t know.
P.S. Darn those doctors anyway!
May 21st, 2007 at 7:35 pm
thanks for coming over. it does seem like a lot, but it will all be worth it in the end. have a good day.
May 22nd, 2007 at 1:04 am
I think you shopuld be able to call him up and trade for next weeks lotto numbers.
I have learned that life is fickle when she wants to be and its almost like it ALL the time.
I think it how we survive.
Don’t get me started on doctors.
Some are so fucken smug they thing they are god and when they screw up they look for ways to disguise it.
Sopem have become so insensitive it looks like they don;t give a shirt about the patient and try to shuffle they off so no one will notice they are lost.
Medicine is a guesing game most times but when they are guessing all the time then there is a problem.
Great Post
May 22nd, 2007 at 4:36 am
Hi Vickie, As a fellow sufferer of MS I completely relate to what you are feeling right now. Most of the time I accept this disease as my fate and try to be grateful its no worse than it is. Other days, well other days, it just sucks. Sometimes people don’t always understand because I look “normal” that there are a lot of invisible symptoms that make life a HUGE challenge sometimes.
You are a brave and strong lady Vickie and tomorrow is a new day. Take care sweet lady, you are in my thoughts. I hope your MIL will get some answers oon.
May 22nd, 2007 at 4:38 am
I meant soon…..
May 22nd, 2007 at 9:18 am
100 miles. It boggles my mind. (Yeah, I know that’s not hard…lol)
May 22nd, 2007 at 12:29 pm
(hugs)thank you for this post. I can’t explain what it means to me right now. I am so glad I read this today.
May 23rd, 2007 at 8:28 am
God does work in such strange and mysterious ways doesn’t HE? I would never even think that I could understand even a small part of the pain you endure daily,just know that you are loved. Every time I come to this blog, I can see how many people love and care about you. And your strength shines through your honest and thoughtful words. I wish I could offer you more than a kind thought and a (((hug)))..but my thoughts and hugs ARE with you….and I will continue to pray for you (hope that is ok too).
May 23rd, 2007 at 4:53 pm
Vickie, I wish I could give ya a hug! You’re in my thoughts!
May 23rd, 2007 at 6:46 pm
Just popping in to say Hi and give HUGS to you, Ms. Vickie!
May 25th, 2007 at 11:20 am
When I tell you that you are not alone, I mean it in every way. Thought, spirit, body and soul. When God hears your prayers, it is a chorus. I’m sure He knows he’ll have to explain this to us some day. No folks, he hasn’t, yet.