True love—a beautiful person | Filed under General
How often have you said it or heard it….I’m talking about ” Do I look okay?” We usually hear it from young girls entering their teens and from then on it stays with them—of course don’t be surprised if it starts earlier. Imagine rosy cheeks, shiny hair, a beautiful flowery dress all very clean and spotless, often a contrast to the surroundings—but very concerned about how she looks. How often have we heard or have we said, “You look great.”
We have often heard it or we might have even been the one saying—-yes I have been guilty—-” I wish I looked like her.” “Does this make me look fatter?” “I hate my hair.” Now it can try my patience and I want to help the younger ones because it does remind me of my younger days but it encourages my compassion. I know how it was to dislike what I saw in the mirror, I know what it was like to never wear store bought clothes because of my size, I know what it was like to never be asked on a date during high school, I know what it was like to never go to a dance, I know what it was like to be liked only because you were smart. I know I am one of the best at criticizing my features and sighing—-I am one of the best at self observation, I know just how much of an obstacle this can be if you do self-criticism too much. I know if I can not accept myself and my body and love it—I will have a very hard time accepting the love of Carl, my husband. Think about it, if Carl tells me I’m beautiful then I assume he is either blind or lying—-wait just a minute think about this—you do the same if you can not love your body and someone tells you how nice you look or that they love you, if you don’t like your body and yourself are you going to believe them—-of course your not. People even men who are self depreciating are seldom able to receive a sincere compliment. We are often even hindered in our interactions with people—-because we still think we need to look different—we still have not learned to love ourselves.
Wendell Berry, in The Unsettling of America, describes who we most often think we want to be like. “Females from a very early age are taught to want to be tall with long legs, slender, large breasted, curly-haired, unimposingly and beautiful. Likewise, males are instructed to be ‘athletic’ in build, tall but not too tall, broad-shouldered, narrow-hipped, square-jawed, straight-nosed, not bald, unimposingly handsome…” Berry who is a Kentucky farmer happens to agree with my thoughts of today the physical ideal for both female and male today is that of good health and loving one’s own self.
There will always be people who are more physically attractive, more pleasing to the eye than I am and others. Our differences are what make us so appealing. Just think if all flowers were roses, we would never experience the beauty of a mixed bouquet of contrasting daises, dahlias, lilacs, tulips, sweet peas, baby’s breath, or the iris. Roses are so beautiful even magnificent, but they are not everyone’s favorite flower. Just imagine if they were what would be missed in this world. Think about the wonderful novel Jane Eyre were we are given a picture of true beauty. The heroine, Jane is beautiful in spirit but “plain” in appearance.— she is nearly the opposite of the physical ideal of the day: the plump, pale and pampered society belle. Next to the lovely and haughty Blanche, her rival for the love of Mr. Rochester, Jane seems nondescript and undesirable. But Mr. Rochester is not deceived by appearances. “To women who please me only with their faces” he explains to Jane, “I am the very devil when I find out they have neither souls nor hearts — when they open to me a perspective of flatness, triviality, and perhaps imbecility, coarseness, and ill temper: but to the clear eye and eloquent tongue, to the soul made of fire, and the character that bends but does not break — at once supple and stable, tractable and consistent — I am ever tender and true.”
Think about it—-charm is deceptive and beauty fades—-does that mean physical beauty isn’t to be enjoyed or acknowledged—-no way just remember the truest beauty is found by looking through the body, not at the body. Of course there is nothing wrong with us highlighting our features—-we just don’t need to spend half our time changing what we were blessed with—–you know surgeries to alter our looks, weight loss surgeries—-oh and there is nothing wrong with working out to strength those muscles—spending time striving for that tone and muscle. I am certain there are others. There is nothing wrong with our body—actually there is a certain honesty and vulnerability it allows us to be show our humility and vulnerability in a clean unembellished face from the external right to the soul that shines through to the eyes—-as I always say the eyes are the soul to a person.
A truly beautiful body is one that gives shape to a beautiful soul I think I’ll take that mixed bouquet and enjoy being Jane because I love myself —-it has taken me a long time to say that—-now where is that number for the plastic surgeon. Just give me good health is all I need—-and a beautiful soul :heart:—–how about you?
March 5th, 2007 at 11:44 pm
Pray for beautiful soul. Rest will follow.
But what I know of you, you have very beautiful soul. I am sure of that.
March 6th, 2007 at 6:03 am
great post. no words of wisdom here, just a very warm post. take care and look after yourself.
March 6th, 2007 at 8:39 am
Great post Vickie. We all, men and woman suffer from the dislike of our bodies. You have done a wonderful job describing this struggle.
March 6th, 2007 at 10:55 am
wow, thought provoking!
since I am coming up on being 38 yo soon. Ive spent some time mirror gazing at myself lately. I feel like an uglier, older, much much fatter version of me.
I believed myself to be truly beautiful when I was in my late teens and twenties. I was often complimented and told how much I favored Marilyn Monore. Now THAT was a great compliment.
After 2 children, gravity, and eating what I want when I want, I no longer see the same person I was.
Ive started to slowly take control again, exercising, watching the foods Im stuffing my face with…..it seems to get harder as I get older.
My husband loves me regardless, he says it doesnt change who I really am inside……I believe him.
March 6th, 2007 at 10:55 am
I love this post Ms. Vickie. The eyes - you’re so right about this.
March 6th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
A very good and thought-provoking post, Victoria. I read it a couple of times.
Hmm, I wonder what the eyes being the window to the soul mean now that I have a slightly funny-looking eye?
March 6th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
I forgot my LOL–I had it the first time but it made me re-write my comment.
March 6th, 2007 at 6:20 pm
What a wonderful post!
I don’t know if I will ever love my body again.
Age changes everything.
You have alwasy been beautiful to me. Your soul is very special and I am glad we are friends.
Huggles and Love
Raggedy
March 6th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
Absolutely; there is so much more than outer beauty. The most outward beautiful person can be crap inside and it actually makes them ugly. In my experience, a person could look OK but the more I get to know them, the more beautiful they are. Others may pick the person apart on their looks but I don’t see any of it because the inner beauty shines through the outward appearance.
This is such a wonderful post. Thank you for writing it; you’ve reminded me of a few things. YOU are one of the most beautiful people on this earth and I don’t even have to see a photo to know it.
Love & hugs!
March 7th, 2007 at 2:34 am
We are our worse critics most of the time.
Not only are we blind to the mirror we look into but blind to who we are inside.
How many people reach out to do something, be someone they normally wouldn’t try to be, only to stop and put their hands back in their pockets then walk away with their head down because of what they believe others may think if they tried?
So many are their own prisoners because of their own prejudices towards themselves.
Who says what we should look like, wear or act like.
The ones who stand to gain like the fashion industry or the private medical clinics offering the illusion of youth.
All of that is window dressing.
It doesn’t matter what you do to your body, you’re still getting older.
You may think you look young in the mirror after spending $50,000 but if you stare at it long enough it will desolve away and will reveal what you look like under the mask.
Your soul on the other hand can’t be made over.
It is what it is and the beauty in your soul will always radiate above any physical beauty.
Great post
March 7th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Great Post! Your analogy of the story Jane Eyre is perfect.
Be safe…
March 7th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
The Wife never beleives me when I tell her how hot she is. She thinks my opinion is biased. And she’s always surprised when other people tell her how good she looks. It is indeed a sad thing what we do to girls in our society.
March 7th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
The gift that I’d like to give you the most, good health, is a gift unattainable from my wretched mortalness. The gift I’d love to share with you, among the forbidden fruit, is also out of my reach, due to an easily explained virtue. The only gift I have is a stubborn presence from a maddening distance. Some day I might be able to shorten that distance. Would you take a ride with me - then?
March 7th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Sometimes it’s hard to love ourselves, we set our expectations too high.
And it’s not just appearance.
I had never really considered this before, but when Steven’s oncologist told me shortly after his diagnosis that if we wanted to have a child in our home in five years, we’d have to subject him to whole-brain radiation, I had to undergo a complete paradigm shift in my mind.
I knew about the appearance issues, permanent hair loss, the growth disorders, hearing loss and other side effects of cancer treatment, but contemplating the loss of intellect dwarfed everything.
He’s so bright, and creative, and compassionate and his intelligence has always been one of those things that people notice when they get to know him.
Radiation robs kids of that every day, it’s a steep price to pay for the privilege of a bit of extra time on earth.
I found it very difficult initially to change my expectations as regards Steven. All those things that used to seem important, good grades, a college education, being in a good school, I had to give those up as being something that he would continue to be able to strive for.
Even after I retrained my own thinking, I had to deal with the well-intentioned but painful (to me) comments of others.
Then he recovered, his improvement after treatment has been nothing short of miraculous.
I have many issues with my own appearance, but the more serious issues have to do with my state of mind. I can say that I’m not at my best right now.
But I consider the struggles of others (including you) and I try to give myself a slap in the face.
Hang in there. Be well. You bring much to others and you deserve to appreciate yourself.
March 7th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
Maybe I have the opposite problem. I don’t care enough about my appearance. How many times have I heard, “You’re not wearing that, are you?” Not just from my wife but from my sons. As always, best to seek the middle ground. Don’t want to look like Tom Cruise (well, maybe resemble), but I don’t want women and children crossing the street to avoid me either.
March 7th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
Wonderful post. Please, oh please, submit it to the Georgia Carnival. I think it’s just great and others would like to see it.:)
March 7th, 2007 at 9:18 pm
Hi Vickie!!!! Hugs!!!
March 7th, 2007 at 10:09 pm
Walker caught the essence of my comments well enough I’ve nothing to add
March 8th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
Hi Vicki,
What a great post. I agree with English Teacher. You could publish that one.
I look back on what I used to look like and remember I was never happy with my body. Now, I am heavier than ever, have almost white hair, wrinkles, and a permanent lump(wart?) on the end of my nose. But I feel prettier than I ever have. Thats because my hubby tells me I am, and I believe he means it. To him I am a godess! Part of the glow comes from the confidence of 42 years of life experience!
March 9th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
What a great post! Thank you.
March 9th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
I commented and then coughed and blew it away! “Beauty is skin deep.” You wrote it beautifully. Jane Eyre is my favorite book by the way.
March 11th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
I have more and more days when I hate to even look in the mirror, sheesh, bags under the eyes, blotchy skin, sags and bags everywhere.
But that is only the outer shell of me, what is on the inside is the part that will never develop wrinkles despite (hopefully) getting wiser, the part that still feels like a girl, the part that hopes for a brighter future, loves with the passion of youth, and that is the part that really counts.
There is a resident at the home, she is in her late 80’s, very tiny, very frail, yet when you look in her eyes, there is a sparkle of life, a twinkle of the girl she was, and a zest for life that will never fade. I think she is beautiful.
March 13th, 2007 at 10:46 pm
Well said Vickie, as usual you capture and describe a subject so well.
March 14th, 2007 at 4:18 am
Beautifully presented and its true… that it is not beauty that matters
March 14th, 2007 at 10:13 am
Did she? No. Are you sure? Yes, I’ve checked several times. Are you sure? Check again. I’ve checked several times!!! she hasn’t updated, geez.
(Sorry, arguing with myself gets on my nerves sometimes. )
March 16th, 2007 at 10:43 am
VERY WELL PUT!
You hit it on the nail.I’ve spent years beating myself up for all of my indescretions.Being wild.Prison.Above all…letting my 2 girls dow….but I had to stop…just STP.and think:Hey! Even though my resume’ may look bad on paper,and my police rap sheet is awful…I KNOW deep down inside(and outwardly) I AMM a good person.If God and my kids can forgive me…there shouldn’t be any reason I can’t forgive myself,let go of the guilt,and go on with my life (and the NEW Tammi).The old Tammi has been long gone,and I thank the Man above for that.
Great post hun.
Your an swesome person,that’s for sure!!
March 16th, 2007 at 10:48 am
hello miss vickie. yes, i am still alive. how are you doing today.
i liked your post as usual because it is well thought out. i agree with you that beauty is skin deep and we have to look at the whole person. i heard some one say once, it is not the box that counts - it’s the corn flakes. we pay so much attention to the wrappings we have no idea what is inside .
well have a good one and i made a blog today so you and others will have a little some thing to read. talk to you later.
mrh.
March 16th, 2007 at 11:43 am
Been checking in. God bless.
March 16th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Checking in on you Vickie. Hope you are well.
March 16th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
Hi Miss Vickie
I have been having some real “body image” issues myself lately.
Good thing I read this post.
Love to you
March 17th, 2007 at 11:16 pm
A very inspiratational post. We are our own worse critics when it comes to accepting who and what we are. We can only accept on faith that those who love us accept us for whom we are and not what we want them to think.
…Are you beautiful? I wouldn’t know you if I tripped over you, but I can say with confidence, you most surely are!
A belated Happy St. PAtrick’s Day to you.
March 19th, 2007 at 10:01 am
Beautifully written!
March 22nd, 2007 at 5:16 pm
How wonderful.
I too do not get involved with vanity it is kindness and love that I look for.
Love Jeanne
X0X0
March 23rd, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Good post. So True. it`s not looks that says who we realy are, it is how we act and how we feel inside. As my Aunt used to say ” Beauty is only skin deep”.
March 24th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
Vickie? Where are you? I’m not worried yet, but I’m thinking about you and missing your words.
March 24th, 2007 at 10:47 pm
Beauty truly is on the inside and not on the out. Outside beauty tends to fade too quickly and inner beauty only has room to grow.
Love you dear.
March 25th, 2007 at 11:39 pm
Hi Vickie, good to see you still dispensing good advice and ideas, stay well.
March 29th, 2007 at 10:22 pm
Hi Vicky,
No sign of you here for a few weeks, I hope things are ok. Just want to let you know that I miss you.
Susan
March 30th, 2007 at 7:35 pm
My thoughts and prayers are with you sweetie.
I hope that you are feeling better soon!
Huggles and Love,
Raggedy
April 1st, 2007 at 5:45 am
G’day Vicky
I have wandered in from Victoria, Australia, wanted to tell you what a great blog you have, have taken the liberty to read through your posts and realised you are facing some of life’s big challenges….wishing your Mum all the best, (our Mum’s are simply the greatest, eh), and you too Vicky….sharing so much strength and inspiration with the world! …and your sense of humor just rocks!
Our family friend in town had motor neurone disease…she always said..” the disease may well take and immobilse my body but it ain’t ever-never touching my spirit”
Vicky, am sending the warmest wishes, thoughts and prayers to you from across the world…may we all hear from you when you can get back into cyberspace…
May the force be with you!..(and your family and friends), know that you are not alone, and thankyou for your wonderful posts, your humor, your determination, inspiration and fun!
Pam
April 2nd, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Miss Vicki, a wonderful post. As I have gotten older I have noticed that “girl watching” has gotten better. The young ones are still cute but the best ones are those closer to my age. That includes such a broad age range that it now includes almost all of them. And they don’t need to have a beauty pagent look, I’m more interested in real, honest appearances.
I know I am no prize, with my 60+ YO body, and when I lost Annie to death I truly wondered if I would have to spend the rest of my life alone. I have met a wonderful lady who also lost her spouse. She is 3 1/2 years older than me but at our age that doesn’t make any difference other than the odds are neither of us will have to live alone as many years since she will probably live to an older age than I will. We are getting married April 28th. She is beautiful and I guess is satisfied with my appearance, too.
April 3rd, 2007 at 12:06 pm
Been a while since I’ve heard from you so here I am checking up on you. Sending you some strength and hugs for you so you can feel better.
April 4th, 2007 at 11:00 am
Happy Easter to you and yours.
April 5th, 2007 at 7:27 am
What a great post! I was always “the smart one” growing up versus my same age cousin who was “the pretty one.” I sure would have traded with her then. I’m glad I didn’t now.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Vickie
So true. So true. Well-done. I just wrote about the same topic in my The Empowered Woman issue on Surewoman. I feel it’s about time women stopped comparing and self-criticizing and love the body we are blessed with. Maybe, you will let me use this pose for the site?
April 6th, 2007 at 6:03 am
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I miss you sweetie.
Have a wonderful Easter!
Huggles and Love,
Raggedy
April 6th, 2007 at 6:13 pm
Personality is everything. Everything. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
April 6th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
Hi vickie, enjoyed catching up on some more of your posts.
As they say. beauty is only skin deep, but love and feelings go deep into the heart.
Happy Easter. Wishing you the best.
April 9th, 2007 at 1:50 am
Happy Easter Vickie. Hope you got some chocolate to enjoy!
April 11th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Great post! Sorry I haven’t been around sooner; there’s been some fires I had to put out. BTW, I gave you an award over at my new place.