If I came here and told you everything was wonderful I would not be at all honest and that is one thing important to me honesty. I have come to realize I don’t like to share things with you if they are negative, now I understand just how Always Victoria came to be as it was—–positive and inspirational.
I struggle to be me here and I am very much me—I hide when things are not going well. Hiding allows me to deal with them alone which is not fair to those who care. I have days that I struggle and there might be a few who know me well enough to see through things and realize it but for the most part, I carry things alone not allowing others to know. Right or wrong—it is just how I have always been.
So many of you deserve better than I give you here but I am learning to do what feels right for me. I don’t like to share so you find out when things are at there worst and then little to nothing about how I truly am after that. I am a hypocrite—I talk of being an open book here but I have many closed chapters.
Having always been the one to take care of others, it is difficult for me to adjust to my life but I struggle daily. Yes I have always been the giver of care and so seldom one who received it, took it , or needed it. It does not matter how long I have had been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (Missy) that is one adjustment I have not made. These days it is even more difficult.
I have been warned of the side effects of the chemo even in the small dose I take. I am experiencing some of them–that is about all I can bring myself to share here. I struggle knowing others have and continue to suffer daily more than I. I feel guilty for I do know about the others and realize how things are for them but somehow that does not make the things I experience easier. Just know unless things are bad you will not hear about them from me. I have realized that I am not ready to open myself up to you about that part of my life.
I have one friend who has asked why I do not share the true difficulties I face everyday so others might gain from me. I realize even if I shared with that goal in mind so many days most would find my writing depressing and I would also soon become that way. We have to make a choice and so to avoid things makes it easier for me in so many ways.
Now to share some about my mom—-
She is adjusting to the Nursing Home much better than I would have dreamed. There has been little problems. The residual from her stroke of course remains. She has short term memory issues– more prevalent than before, she still is not able to walk alone even with the use of a walker—takes two. The improvements are we can understand her speech; she can feed herself with the help of some assistive devices and she is with us. She has just completed her IV antibiotics so now much more aggressive therapy in the rehabilitation area will begin.
Thank you each and everyone that has been here and supported us during this difficult time. I have not visited each one to thank you and I will do my best in the future to do so. These days I do what I can, what I feel like and I am realizing that I need to take care of me more.
This is what I want to do with my life and hope in some small way I can…
Just make a Positive Contribution so I leave you with:
1. Learn to make people laugh.
If people never laugh when you speak, it is time to study the strategies of speakers who do make people laugh. An easy strategy is to find funny anecdotes, stories, or jokes and share them with others.
2. Touch people–physically.
A touch on the elbow or the shoulder will often make someone’s day! This is more important for people who feel isolated, such as some senior citizens.
3. Tell everyone in your life what they mean to you at least once a month.
Why express love and appreciation sparingly?
4. Celebrate the small and large victories of others.
When someone has a success, it’s time to literally ring the bells, make some noise, and get out of your chair to acknowledge the “win.” Use e-mail to send virtual flowers, virtual champagne, or a musical animated greeting card.
5. Use words of affection liberally.
“I care about you! I’m standing with you! I want to see you succeed in this. I believe in you and I believe in what you are doing.”
6. Call your mother more often. The same for dad. —just your family and don’t forget your friends. Tell them, “I love you.” A couple of minutes on your cell phone in the car can brighten up someone’s week!
7. Go out of your way to wish a person a “happy birthday” whenever you hear a person mention that they just had their birthday or that it is coming up.
Since it only comes once a year, this often means a lot to a person. That day is their special day–so do your part.
8. Intersperse phrases like, “You’re right!” in your conversations.
This is especially useful when someone is confronting you about something that has bothered them about you.
9. Point out, acknowledge, and affirm the gifts and talents that you see in others.
Most people will be extremely grateful for the encouragement and direction that this provides. It is easy to forget how valuable this can be to the recipient.
Positive Contribution was written by Clare Albright and I altered it very slightly by adding a few things.
Until the next time, take care of each other, remember the special ones who need your love and support during their difficult times. Visit them and let them know you are with them. I am not going to list for I might overlook someone but I think we all know who needs us. Pray for them if you are so inclined but most of all support them.
February 12th, 2007 at 12:12 am
Beautiful post!
Hugs and Hugs
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=’:'=) hugs
(”)_ (”)Š from
the Cool Raggedy one
February 12th, 2007 at 1:01 am
That was wonderful inspiration to many. Thank you for sharing.
February 12th, 2007 at 3:19 am
I agree with all your assertion in this beautiful post. How are you?
February 12th, 2007 at 6:50 am
This reminded me of something we discussed in Sunday School a couple weeks back. Each person has their own ‘worst’ to deal with, for you it’s Missy, for someone else it’s cancer, or dialysis, heart disease, or something else like the loss of a loved one.
No one has the right to say, why is she omplaining, it could be worse for her, because for that person THAT is the worse. For you, it’s Missy and all it’s complications, having at one time taken care of patients with Missy, it’s not an easy thing for someone to go through.
Now onto something else you said, about holding back. I don’t like to write the bad or negative either, I’ve been trying to keep my new blog positive, but you are right, when we do that, we are not being totally honest, and that is WHY I started a new blog so that I can open up to others.
On a final note, I think you are handling things beautifully, and one thing I love about you, no matter what you personally are going through, you always have an encouraging and uplifting word for others.
This is a true gift from the heart, sometimes those words you give are the best gift of all.
*hugs*
February 12th, 2007 at 8:02 am
The sorrows of a friends heart
tug upon my own,
calling to me softly,
until we both go home.
You are loved Vickie.
February 12th, 2007 at 8:43 am
My heart goes out to you - you are handling Missy in your own way & most of the people closest to you would be trying to understand that. Positive thinking can help sometimes. MS or merry stagggers has been with me for 20yrs. I have many strategies for coping & trying to be a little bit private is one of them. I am holding you close in my heart, Love Franjo
February 12th, 2007 at 11:41 am
Hi,
I just created a six degrees badge for my MS Center. Please take a look and if you like it and my web site, would you post it on your blog?
Thanks,
Karen
http://www.networkforgood.org/pca/PersonalCharityBadge.aspx?pcaid=103151
February 12th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
((hugs))
very good post.
I hope you have a SUPER week.
February 12th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
You’re always in my thoughts and prayers. I hope your mom continues to improve. Wonderful post.
February 12th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
That message was truly spoken from the heart. It reminded me that despite my own medical issues, I surely am able to reach out & give some love to others who can use it!
Hugs to you!
George
February 12th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Not only are you a nurse, you’re a teacher as well. To know you is to love you, and I do.
February 12th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
Your such a gem lil missy! I can hardly wait to read your posts.
big-o hugs
February 12th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
First, share what YOU are comfortable with. But know that people care.
Second, NOAH WENT HOME! An hour ago. His oxygen is 100% and now they think he’s just got a bad cold.
Third…remember what I told you on the phone today…you can always go blonde!
LOVE YA
February 12th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
We all have parts of our lives we keep from others, even those that are close to us. Share what you wish to share with no guilt. You have no obligation to tell us anything you do not wish to.
Glad your mother is doing well.
February 12th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Thanks for your wonderful comment on my site regarding the photos. Your praise means alot to me.
As for your post today, I can relate. I very rarely bring up any of my own struggles on my site. I just dont mention when things are bothering me for the most part. There are some things that I wouldnt mind sharing with some of my close blog friends perhaps. But My site is read by much of our family and friends that I wouldnt want privy to certain details.
I find that if you try to stay positive and upbeat, no matter what the problem, eventually you actually do feel better.
By the way, Keith thought that was your photo up at the top of your post!!!!!! He is a boob man!
February 12th, 2007 at 11:59 pm
I had this deep profound comment to make and then I read Monica’s comment then I went blonde and forgot it.
You are one of the strongest people I know.
You roll with the punches even when you don’t want to and rather give up, but you don’t.
Some of the mightest battles are fought in silence away from prying eyes where victories come with a price but you always make it look easy with a joke and a laugh.
Your posts show your freedom and love of life and others.
Great post, by a great lady.
February 13th, 2007 at 11:57 am
Wow, I just don’t know what to say that hasn’t already been said.
Walker is so right “Some of the mightest battles are fought in silence away from prying eyes where victories come with a price but you always make it look easy with a joke and a laugh”
That was a great post. Thank you.
February 13th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
A good post, Miss Vicki. You are indeed an inspiration to many. It is good to see you writing here again.
February 13th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
You are truly a beautiful person and I am honored to have you as such a dear and close friend. My life changed for the better that day you visited my blog; in ways I cannot explain.
You don’t need to worry about what you owe others; I can’t speak for everyone but you know I understand. I don’t like talking about the “bad” all the time either because if I did; it would drag me down with the negative energy. It’s OK if you hide when things are bad; we all have our way of dealing with tough times. AND when it’s bad for you; it takes all your energy to deal with Missy and what’s happening in your life. I still insist that people love you for who you are; not how often you post. Your true friends will remain just that; true.
LOVE YOU!!!
February 13th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
I am thinking of you.
February 21st, 2007 at 2:49 pm
I love your list and believe in it.
Glad to hear your mother is improving and hope it won`t be long before she is able to do more for herself. I think most older people feel better about themself when they can do more by themself. I am sure having you there for her means a lot to her.
I understand your wanting to keep your problems private. Just remember you have a lot of friends here who are willing to listen should you ever feel the need to share. I wish you the best with the chemo and hope it slows down your health problems. Wishing you only the best.
February 23rd, 2007 at 4:18 pm
I think that women have the hardest time when it comes to admitting they are sick or in pain. We always compare that pain to others, telling ourselves we shouldn’t ‘indulge’; that our suffering is, in some way, less. This isn’t a selfless thing as much as it is ingrained. I constantly apologize to everyone I know for my pain; as if I had the control of it. Still - I sequester myself - worried that my pain will discomfit or annoy. I am not alone. Most women do these things. That – and we always try to work through and around it; fearful we will be judged egoistic for any respites taken. I know this, my dear. You don’t have to shift focus onto other things, other people. You can tell us the truth. We do not judge you. You are safe, Vicki. What we do not understand we accept. I am sorry you hurt, honey. I understand how you feel. We are all sisters and brothers under the skin.