Letter to Mom | Filed under Family
Every day as I travel this journey called life, you are with me. You walk with me and support me every step of the way. You have been with me even more since Carl and I moved back here to live with you. I feel our love has grown toward each other with leaps and bounds. A new understanding of and for each other has formed. I see we are so alike in many ways. Often I glance in the mirror, seeing more of you than I do of myself as I grow daily in age and most importantly in maturity.
We have both fought some of the same battles of discrimination, coming from being obese. There have been times you have been very critical and blamed yourself for my weight problems. You always felt it started when I was a kid and you made me eat everything on my plate even when I did not want it. Please mom stop blaming yourself, I have been in control for a very long time of the choices I make. It is time you treat yourself as graciously and gently as you do everyone else especially me.
Mom, you have accomplished more in your life than most. Especially when I think of the abuse and neglect you suffered and experienced as a child . You grew to be the best wife, mother and friend a family could have. You gave and still give us love every moment of the day. Please just give the same love to yourself so you might come back home. Yes I am being selfish here.
You have wisdom and power within you, so use it. I hope you look inside and see just how truly fabulous you are. Many times I have stepped up to be the adult not the child as you have dealt with your illness. Some how you always found the strength and pulled through to once again became Mom. If you could do it then you can do it again if you want to. Yes I know you have often said to me…you are tired and have no reason to continue living since Dad is not here but you do.
If you want to Mom you can do and be anything as you have shown so many times in the past. I just want you to be my Mom again and home with me….yes I am being selfish here but I must accept reality until you are Mom you can not come home.
So many times since I have been living here with you trying to prevent you from going to the Nursing Home, I have reached a new level of love, admiration, appreciation and respect for you. You overcome obstacles that were great and did so with such ease and a grace few others have. Mom, you deserve a special badge of honor and will. Just maybe can you do it one more time?
From you I have gained a new understanding of life, you actually have given me once again the most precious gift of all. You along with Missy taught me life happens in a “moment”. You have reminded me that there is no certainty in life and to never take it for granted.
When you could not speak, one of the most important things was to hear and understand your voice again. I remember thinking of so many things I wanted to say but really I was saying it all to you during that time. I never stopped telling you what I wanted you to know. Love is the essence of life and we do have that so everything else is trivial.
Life is a journey as we are both aware of. Even now there are times I see you giving your strength to others around you. There are times I am fearful and you comfort me yet there are times I comfort you. Together we will be brave and heal each other. As the Hospice Nurses said to us—their new concept is everyone is dying from the time they are born—- and their goal is to make you as comfortable as possible during life —-so Mom using hospice does not mean you are terminal.
Yes we must all move on some day but Mom I’m not ready for this to be your time. So many say you will give up since you are going into the Nursing Home, I say you will not. You can do what you want Mom and I hope it will be to use the therapy and get strong and come home again. On the other hand you might decide once you are around people your age and making friends you are happy and you do not want to come home that will be just fine. Mom I just want you stronger and happy—I just want my mom back—
I love you with all I have and with all I will ever be.
Vickie
February 5th, 2007 at 4:02 am
How moving. I hope your Mom gets better very soon. *Big hugs*
February 5th, 2007 at 6:02 am
Your post was beautiful. I can feel the love and concern in your thoughtful words. I hope and pray that your mom makes a speedy recovery and returns home. Thank you for sharing with us.
Hugs and Love
Raggedy
February 5th, 2007 at 6:31 am
A mother-daughter relationship as special as yours is a rare one, and I can understand why you don’t want to let it go. May your mom be able to pull from those inner resources yet again so that you can continue to enjoy those “moments” together for a long time to come.
February 5th, 2007 at 7:14 am
I certainly hope and pray that you get your mom back.
*hugs*
February 5th, 2007 at 8:03 am
God bless you both, and keep you in his loving care. I pray for a swift recovery so Mom can be home again soon. Take care Ms. Vickie.
February 5th, 2007 at 8:13 am
Vickie, this was a beautiful letter. I hope she gets better soon. I’d like to tell you as a mom how I feel about my kids facing the decisions some day that you are faced with today.
She knows you love her just as I know they love me. I’ve often told them a nursing home would be fine with me, there are good ones out there. I love that they say no just as you don’t want your mother there. But the important thing to a mom is that her children be happy. You have so much on your plate with Missy. Take care of yourself and we’ll all pray that your mom continues to improve and can return home.
February 5th, 2007 at 8:17 am
You are truly blessed to still have your lovely Mother.
Treasure every golden moment with her.
Life is just not the same when they are called to Heaven.
Love Jeanne ^j^
February 5th, 2007 at 8:57 am
A Lovely tribute to Mon Vickie, hope you get to share many more years together.
February 5th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Just an old friend stopping by to say hello.
February 5th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
I’m praying for your mom, and for you.
I’ll be checking back and hoping for good news.
February 5th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
i am sending prayers and hugs to you. i have been on this road, with my m-i-l, years ago. it was not an easy road, but she was stubborn enough and determined enough to try, and she made it home 6 months later, and lived pretty well for another 3 years, she was 84 when she passed. take care.
February 5th, 2007 at 6:58 pm
Such a special letter, from a special daughter.
What monica said is true. Moms really do want their kids to be happy. I am sure she must think that you dont need her burdening you. Though I know you would gladly have her home.
I am praying for the best outcome, and that God would guide you and reveal his purpose to you.
February 5th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
Couldn’t have been said better by anyone.
Best wishes to your mom.
February 5th, 2007 at 11:22 pm
Tearful in Colorado. HUGS
February 6th, 2007 at 12:05 am
What an inspirational entry…something we must all keep in mind as we watch our own parents move deeper into their twilight years. You are both blessed to have such a strong bond.
I am now massively inspired to be a better child to my own parents.
February 6th, 2007 at 8:45 am
beautiful letter. your words to your mother show what a wonderful person she is and how much you love her.
((hugs))
February 6th, 2007 at 8:50 am
Checking in on you, Vickie.
February 6th, 2007 at 9:14 am
My heart goes out to you, Vickie. I hope you get your Mom back.
February 6th, 2007 at 10:24 am
Hi Vickie ~~ A lovely tribute to your dear Mother. I do hope she gets well enough to come home again.
My prayers for you both. Take care, Love, Merle.
February 6th, 2007 at 10:48 am
A very nice letter to your Mom. I join you in hoping she will be able to come home soon.
February 6th, 2007 at 11:42 am
Very beautiful post. I’ll be praying that your mom gets better and returns home soon. Thinking of you and praying for you.
February 6th, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Oh, the tears are flowing now. All the things I wish I could say in one letter to my mother. I never seem to get them out when we are face to face. She knows you love her and that is the most important thing. Bless you dear one and get well soon, k?
February 7th, 2007 at 10:10 am
I am sorry I wasn’t able to read this sooner. It’s beautiful; the love and bond you and your mom share is incredible. My heart breaks for you but at the same time I see what a strong and unselfish daughter you are; willing to let her go even though you’re not ready for her to go yet. My prayers are with you, always.
LOVE YOU!!!!
February 7th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
That is one of the most beautiful letters I have ever read.
February 10th, 2007 at 10:52 am
Vickie, I have been where you are now and it isn`t an easy place to be. I pray your Mother gets better and some day finds herself feeling well enough to be back living with you.
But, having lost my Husband 4 1/2 years ago, I can also understand where your Mom is coming from. We had over 50 years together and when you lose them it feels like you lost a very important part of yourself that you can never get back. This may sound strange, but I think it was easier the first year when your mind only half accepts what you know is true- you just stay real busy to handle it. Last year I started slowing down , which gave more time for thinking, so I missed him even more and it became harder. So, time doesn`t always make it easier, at least it seemed harder for me as time goes on. I know I will feel better once my shoulder heals enough to get back busy working in the shop. Hope your Mom gets better soon and that she can find some Hobby to enjoy to give her something to look forward to accomplishing. Loving our Family never stops, but we need something that makes us feel alive and like we have something to show for our time. Honey, just remember that while your mom`s love for her family is very strong and will never change, the empty spot that your Dad filled still remains. I have tears flowing from knowing the pain and worry you are now facing and the lonesome pain your Mom is trying so hard to handle. God Bless you both. My heart goes out to you both and the other family members involved. Give your Mom a big hug from one who knows how she feels. Staying busy is the only thing that keeps me going.