Take a stroll with me | Filed under Family
As I said in my last post I feel as if life is a rollercoaster of emotions, I want to share more with you but am not certain where to start right now.
So I think for now I will just let my mind take a stroll and see what I might share and maybe it will reveal something.
There are so many responsibilities associated with caretakers or caregivers whichever we see ourself as.
None of us are ever prepared for the task and there is so much guilt associated with it.
Maybe it is because I just don’t want to prepare myself for this……No I like to be prepared.
I wonder what it can be compared to–one thing I know is right now I am in Macon and Mamma B is back in the hospital.
I know enough to be scared and want answers — it takes time and—– from time to time there just is not the answer you want.
My Mamma is alone because I have one sister who at times can be selfish and at times loving just as my mother can be.
Monica got a little taste of my mother when she called the house not knowing we were on our way to Macon.
My mother tells her, “she left me and I’m sick.”
Yeah right—you know I would go off and leave her sick. I never understood or knew my Mamma as well as I do now that I live there.
If you ask her how she is , five minutes ago she was fine — now that you asked —she is certain to have something wrong to tell you.
I try with my Mamma but right now I am just so tired, exhausted angry—–and even feeling GUILTY
So many negative feelings and I am having them right now.
I have not talked about them but I realize I am not alone others must have these feelings.
Just because I have these feelings I am not a bad person.
Being a caretaker is traumatic —–I just realized
Now you see what happens when my mind takes a stroll.
A light goes off at times.
I need to take care of me, I think.
It starts with taking a break here.
Don’t worry I will be back, it might be tomorrow, or next week or next month
July 12th, 2006 at 5:05 pm
Vickie,
I am sorry to hear that Momma B is not doing well. You sound like your hands are full. Take your time and sort it out. It is tough being a caregiver.
*HUGS*
July 12th, 2006 at 5:56 pm
I am sorry to hear about Momma B’s return to the hospital. Deni’s father is also in the hospital and I think he is farther away from her than you are from Macon. That is two in our blogger family we need to add to our prayers.
July 12th, 2006 at 6:37 pm
Vickie, I am sorry to hear about Mamma B and her hospitalization. She is in my thoughts and prayers as are you. Please take care of yourself.
July 12th, 2006 at 9:45 pm
Hi Ms Vickie ~~ I am so sorry Mamma B is back in the
hospital and hope that all will be well with her,
I am sorry also that you are havig a hard time at home,
but just do your best and try not to worry about it all
so much. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and
Mamma B and your family. Take care, Merle.
July 12th, 2006 at 10:17 pm
It is a tough job. Giving your best efforts is all that can be expected. Hope you catch some needed rest.
July 12th, 2006 at 10:18 pm
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am sorry Mamma B is back in the hospital. I hope that things will get better for you soon. You are doing a wonderful job. Toss out those feelings of guilt. We are here if you need us.
Huge hugs
Bless you!
Love you!:heart:
July 12th, 2006 at 10:28 pm
I am so glad you called today, you are such a special friend and I’m here anytime you need me. Here again, is that darn Murphy messing with us.
If you need a laugh, go see the two pics I just posted on my blog.
Love you, and gee-whiz, what would I do without you?
July 13th, 2006 at 2:20 am
You need to take care of yourself first and foremost.
So take what time you need to rest.
I am sorry to hear about Momma B.
I hope they could help her.
I am in the same predicament as you with my parents.
My brother is useless and a strain on them.
So you end up being the main go to person.
Then they act selfish when I want to go somewhere for any period of time.
I guess they have gotten used to me being there all the time and are scared that something might happen to me and they would be lost.
Now who is sounding selfish?
Mortality sets in at that age as does loneliness but pride prevents many elderly to express themselves with the truth and disguise it in other ways such as negative comments in an attempt to shame you into getting their way.
Fear makes them do what they do.
Pride prevents them from telling you they need you.
Or they could just be a pain in the butt.
But hey, they are still our parents.
Take care
July 13th, 2006 at 7:50 am
Yes, you will feel all those things. Now and then you have to take stock of yourself and tell yourself how you are doing. Much like you are doing now. And there is that fear - fear of what is to come, the fear of hopelessness and the weight of caring. Fight the fear by realizing you are doing what you can, and that God has placed you on this path for a reason - to help those you love along their journey. Fight the fear, Fight the hopelessness and try to realize the good you are doing is the your purpose in life at this time. And take care of yourself - in all ways.
Your loving friend…
July 13th, 2006 at 7:54 am
do take care of you. i was a caregiver for years for my ex husband’s parents until they passed away. it was hard and it really wears on a person. i learned to take care of myself during and after the fact. i had to rediscover the things that i enjoyed ‘pre care giving years’. take special care of yourself. thinking of you and sending warm, gentle hugs.poet:wave:
July 13th, 2006 at 9:13 am
I’ll add my best wishes to the mix!
July 13th, 2006 at 10:02 am
I’m so sorry to hear about your Mamma B being in the hospital. You’re right, being a caretaker does wear on you, and you so deserve a break.
My mother is the same way.
I’ll pray for you and your mom
July 13th, 2006 at 10:36 am
I’m sorry your mom not doing well. I was a caregiver for a while. I took care of my grandmother until she got better. It can be bothersome but at times rewarding. And yes, you do need a break. Everybody does at some point in time. Take care and we’ll still be here for you when you return.
July 13th, 2006 at 12:34 pm
I know exactly what you mean. Nothing in the world could have ever prepared me to be a parent. I thought I was going to be a certain kind of dad, they boys were going to be certain kinds of kids, and we were going to be this perfect little family. Then reality intrudes. There are times I love being a dad. There are times when I hate being a dad. There are times I wish the kids would just go away and that I never had this HUGE responsibility. Talk about guilt. BUT…
They are my responsibility. Unlike you, I don’t have a choice. Well, I do, but the other option is out of the question, so effectively I have no choice. Caring for Mamma is neither your responsibility or your obligation, unless you choose it to be so. One thing I’ve learned when caring for another is that you need to make sure you leave some time for yourself. Because if you spend all your time concerned with someone else and their needs, you’ll lose yourself.
I’m quite confident you can handle this. You’re a very strong woman. Just remember to take some time to breath and relax.
July 13th, 2006 at 2:42 pm
Every feeling you have is normal.
Take what your mom says with a grain of salt.
Do not allow anyone to make you feel guilty.
A person can only do so much.
Your life is as important as anyone else.
You can’t be in two places at once.
Your physical and emotional health will continue to spiral downward if you let all of this get to you. I know it is so difficult; Ms. Vickie, you are more worthy than to be on this rollercoaster, but no one can help you get off except a higher power. Be where you need to be, and it sounds like right now you need to be with C and his parents.
I’ve not walked in your shoes - yours are unique to you. However, I understand fully the situation with your mom (and you know this). I’m starting this minute to hold you close in my prayers that you can receive some respite. May God be with all of you.
July 13th, 2006 at 2:53 pm
You know what I have to say about…you take care of you and we’ll take care of the prayers. You need some rest, young lady! I still think you should go back on SATURDAY to give YOU an extra day to REST before your mother’s appointment and your own.
Love you.
July 13th, 2006 at 2:53 pm
Its called caregiver burnout. Sometimes we caregivers just have these times when we wish we could just slack the responsibility and let someone else do the worrying for a change. Wanting to have your life back for yourself or even yearning for a wee bit of appreciation for what you do, what you sacrifice, is not selfish. So why do we feel guilty for these thoughts? Its only natural. Tommorrow, you will feel better, and you will go on with things. But you know, nobody has a right to judge you if you decide to wash your hands of the caregiver role. You have done your part.
God Bless…from another burnt out caregiver.:relieved:
July 13th, 2006 at 3:43 pm
Hang in there and remember you are doing the best you can with what you have. No one can ask for more than that.
July 13th, 2006 at 4:41 pm
I thought it would be hard to be the caregiver. But when I switched to that side of things I found it easy. Maybe it is just I think of it as paying back the kindness they have shown me. They have always been there for me, its only fair I’m there for them. I can’t help you get out but I can point
July 13th, 2006 at 5:56 pm
Hang in there Vickie. *Big hugs* and I will be praying for you and Mamma B.
July 13th, 2006 at 11:45 pm
It IS hard being a caregiver, try not to feel guilty Vickie.
Prayers and thoughts go out for you……
July 14th, 2006 at 1:18 am
i am sorry to hear about your mom. i will say a prayer for her. you have to find the time to take care of yourself though. it is very important that you do. take care and i will talk to you soon.
p.s. this ga. weather is about to kill me.
July 14th, 2006 at 9:33 am
Ok, maybe this will let me comment today.
I am so sorry you are going through this, sometimes we need to take time for ourselves so we can be better prepared to help others in the long run. No you are not selfish, you are one of the most giving, caring people I know. But you do need to take care of yourself too!
You and Mama B are both in my prayers.
*HUGS*
July 14th, 2006 at 10:38 am
Thinking of you today and always.
July 14th, 2006 at 10:44 am
I understand how you feel. Since Christmas I have been under a lot of stress giving extra care to my parents. It’s emotionally and physically draining…and yes, the guilt is in there, too. It feels like you can never do enough. Hang in there. Know that you are doing all that you can and you are a caring, loving daughter.
July 15th, 2006 at 6:42 am
Here by way of Brian’s place…You’re absolutely right that you need to take care of you for awhile! I worry about the future with my parents, that someday they may need me and my sister to take care of them. That’s hopefully a ways off still, but who knows?
Sorry your Mamma is in the hospital again. I’ll be thinking of both of you.
July 15th, 2006 at 12:25 pm
My prayer is about caregiving…balance is essential. Support to do the right thing and not feel a lick of guilt- Put the mask on yourself first…God is present, your intention to help is heard and felt
I hope you’ll laugh. Laugh at the absurdity of it all and find God’s goodness in all of it…let laughter lift you
blessings and
July 15th, 2006 at 3:37 pm
Your mother sounds A LOT like my grandmother, who is 93. Amazing women both, I’d say. Make sure you take time for yourself. Your blog will still be here.
July 16th, 2006 at 2:46 am
You have to ask yourself - what do you expect, and what do you deserve? Often these two things are at odds with one another - especially when it comes to family. You may have to make some accommodation within yourself. Without it - continuing on like this will become increasingly difficult. Can you count on anyone? Or are you on your own with this? How much is actually necessary - and how much is you trying to be superwoman? Only you know your tolerances. When I was in a similar situation – I found I needed to back away from the unending criticism. My sister was a very wealthy woman and able to fly across country at the drop of a hat whenever my mother needed someone to balance her checkbook. I could barely afford bus fare, and was unwilling to be manipulated. I was found wanting as a result. So I did what I could, let the criticism wash over me, and went back to my life. In the end – I was told my contribution, as small as it was, was no longer needed or wanted. So I put down my cross and walked away. I hope you are never in that position, my friend. You have my good wishes and heartfelt prayers. I hope it all works out for you.
July 16th, 2006 at 7:26 pm
So srry to hear what you’re going through, Vickie. It seems like you have a whole lot on your shoulders. I hope others are there to help, even if only to give you a couple hours off to get back your ability to cope.
Will be thinking of you.
July 17th, 2006 at 12:35 am
Hi Sweet Vickie! I am back and had been trying to find you and fate has it…I met Karen, who now has linked me to you again! I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. My mother was a very unhappy person and a very physically ill person. Being the daughter is a handful of emotions and heartwrenching. I will hold you in my heart with love.
July 18th, 2006 at 9:38 am
Miss Vickie I am so sorry to hear that you’re not doing well and are so stressed. It’s hard when we have a sick family member… espcially when we’re doing all we can and it doesn’t feel like enough.
I’m here if you need to vent and love ya to death!
**hugs**
July 21st, 2006 at 7:16 pm
You take care of you. With all that’s going on, it’s easy to forget your batteries need recharging too.