I feel like my life is a rollercoaster of emotions , how do I express my feelings without hurting others, or how do I protect myself?
I know I always try to find just what is at the root of the issue, if it seems to be something petty you can always bet—-
something stronger is underneath .
How do I find it and how far do I go is the big question, I find myself asking this again.
I read between the lines—-just like I listen — when you are not talking : I do hear what you are saying.
Yes I do very well in communications.
It is all about not hurting others or hurting myself, that will cause me as well as others to not say what is on the mind I believe.
That is why if I listen carefully and can pick up on the hidden messages.
The messages are often many and range from loss of respect and not feeling the same to missing being your friend.
Remember everyone needs someone who loves, adores and respects them just as they are. Don’t let everyday life squeeze the love out of your relationship no matter what kind it is.
You do, and I do.
Accept that all of us can be hurt, that all of us can—and surely will at times—fail.
Other vulnerabilities, like being embarrassed or risking love, can be terrifying, too.
I think I should follow a simple rule: if I can take the worst, I can take the risk.
I will be hurt in life. That’s really all there is to it: I will be hurt. People will hurt me intentionally, unintentionally, unknowingly and knowingly.
How I react to the hurt, though, is the most important thing to me.
And how I react to the possibility of being hurt when I choose what I will do in life is just as important to me in the long and short runs.
I spent many years being unwilling to take risks with relationships.
I still do,— I do know that I spent and still do many a miserable day because of my fear and the way that it controlled me; I have to wonder how much more I would have gotten out of life if I hadn’t spent so much time feeling bad about myself and my world.
How much more beautiful would my world have been if I had been willing to take risks?
How much more would I have been able to give to others if I hadn’t made myself so miserable?
I know my reactions so often determine my feelings about them; I know that I can take the worst. Experience has taught me the “worst” is rarely as bad as I imagine it to be.
So why do I still find myself miserable at times? Why do I not take these risks—-I don’t know but maybe it is time I start. Yeah maybe I will—-
One day at a time—-
Today is the first day.
What do you think?
My Eyes
You don’t know how I’m feeling.
I have tried so many times to vocalize
So many feelings deep inside me.
Can you see it in my eyes?
I tremble not just when I’m near you
It happens when I see you here
Or when I talk to you on the phone
Can you see it in my eyes?
Never will I ever reach out to you
I thought you’d actually realize
How much I felt for and cared about you?
Can you see it in my eyes?
I long to take back my, “I love you,”
Because I know of your feelings.
Broken into many pieces once again
Can you see it in my eyes?.
The attempt of my camouflaged emotions
Lead to pain and silent cries.
And yet I just can’t tell you.
Can you see it in my eyes?
Confessing through this poem
My dilemma summarized.
The feeling’s quite cathartic,
Can you see it in my eyes?
VDS
July 9th, 2006 at 12:44 pm
I’m pretty close to be about as expert as you can be on roller coaster emotions, pain, being hurt and hurting others. You and I have had a lot of hurt between us. I like to think those days are over. But sometimes late at night I mull things over and I still feel it and I wonder if it is a cycle we will ever break. We are good now with you living your life and me living mine. I think it was when our lives were too close and overlapped that betrayal and loss haunted both of us. We never were good at communicating with each other. We had our needs and we wanted our fun. But sometimes we never stopped to think how it might affect the other. Of course in the end we knew the prize wasn’t worth the drama that ensued. Those ghosts still linger though. And what-ifs will probably still trickle in our minds from time to time.
July 9th, 2006 at 1:08 pm
For so long, I have been afraid of taking risks, opening myself up to all the pain you mentioned. I have been hurt many times but being open may hurt a little more but hopefully one day, it will be worth it. I know I can’t grow unless I take the risk of opening my heart.
I have learned many things from you, my friend, your courage, unconditional love, and unbreakable spirit are such an example for me. I continue to learn from you each day and this was a wonderful post and a beautiful poem. I don’t know how you do it, but you always seem to write what I feel in my heart. There again, are the parrallel lives…
Love you!:heart:
July 9th, 2006 at 1:56 pm
Just wishing you a great Sunday girl!
July 9th, 2006 at 1:58 pm
Once in a while a roller coaster ride is nice.
I have to tell you that you are couragious !!:wave:
July 9th, 2006 at 2:03 pm
That was a wonderful post. My Dad explains so much of what you have experienced in his book. Chapter 4 is entitled Unusual attitudes. This chapter covers what you are discribing in the post.
I really enjoy visiting with you.:yes: You write very well.
The poem was very beautiful.
Have a wonderful day!:wave:
I love these emoticons!
*^_^
(=’:'=) meow hugs
(”)_ (”)Š from da Raggedy one
July 9th, 2006 at 2:05 pm
Wonderful Post. I don’t know what is happening to my comments today. It has happened on more than just your site. I type this long reply and for some reason they don’t submit.
The poem was beautiful.
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=’:'=) meow hugs
(”)_ (”)Š from da Raggedy one
July 9th, 2006 at 2:56 pm
Whew, another “so close to home” post and it hit me quite hard. You’re loved Vickie by me and alot of folks. I know that isn’t much when it isn’t from the object of your desires…. but know it is still there.
July 9th, 2006 at 5:08 pm
You write about very profound human things…I don’t think there is a way to be “in the world” and not be hurt weather it’s intentional or unintentional…No life is perfect and there are so very many ups and downs…AND, if we allow ourselves the gift of “feeling” and all that that means–compassion for others as well as what we feel about everything that happens to us…to be open to being moved by things we experience weather it is seeing a beautiful single flower or hearing a song that is sad and makes us cry, to laughing at how silly everything can be at times—ALL these things including ‘heartbreak; are what make up life and the joys, as well as the depressing things that life hands us…of course it is how we recieve these things—ALL of them—that make up our life. I identify with so much of what you say and find your poem very moving…trying to find some ways to express what we feel and integrating our feelings into our day to day…seems like the way to live to me, and this includes loving deeply what and who you love…and that certainly can give one pain, for sure! But without reaching out to whatever or whomever leaves ones life always in a uncomfortable position of…”What If?” Just my opinion.:thumbsup:
Thank you for your very dear comments Vickie…It seems to me you are doing just fine!:wink:
LOVE All thses various ’smiley’ people…see, this is fun!:grin::heart:
July 9th, 2006 at 7:34 pm
I would so love to be adored for who I am!:yes:
July 9th, 2006 at 8:28 pm
Whoa!
That was riveting! Read it twice to get the full affect.
The part about the hurt people dish out—->intentionally, unintentionally, unknowingly and knowingly….and HOW WE react to it is something that really sunk in though.
Lots of “hit-home” info!!:thumbsup:
July 9th, 2006 at 8:33 pm
Your words are so eloquent, Vickie, it’s hard to know what to say.
Sometimes, it would be nice if someone could see it in our eyes…those things that are hard to put into words or we’re just too afraid to say them outloud. And when it comes to things that are close to the heart, that’s when we could use it the most.
I hope whoever it is that those words were meant for sees with clear vision.
July 9th, 2006 at 9:54 pm
We could form a club, because I too am constantly on a rollercoaster of emotions. I’ve been hurt too many times to count, been used, and as a result, built walls around me and sometimes second guess things people do for me. My uncle summed it up when he said, “In your lifetime, there Are people who will try and destroy you, but countless others who will adore you. That’s life. Let down your walls and allow yourself to be loved.”
Thank you for always being there when I need you. You are a sweet friend who I adore.
July 9th, 2006 at 10:26 pm
just know that we are here for you miss vickie.
July 10th, 2006 at 12:25 am
Wow Vickie. You really grabbed me with this one.
July 10th, 2006 at 12:25 am
It must be something in the air. Everybody seems to on that ride. In the past it tought me, that the only way to stop that emotional ride is you. Just get off and smile and in time things will begin to heal.Hard to believe at first but in time you’ll want to smile…Just keep that chin up…and hang on until you do!!
your friend,
Scarlett
July 10th, 2006 at 1:40 am
I really liked that poem. In fact, the whole post was well written.:thumbsup:
…Even on a roller coaster, there are straight runs. Just the fact that you write about it shows you are on an even keel. You’ll be fine.
July 10th, 2006 at 7:20 am
I am what I think you think I am.:cool:
July 10th, 2006 at 9:45 am
Life is not without its pitfalls, dotted with emotions and feelings but hiding them is not the solution.
Risks must be taken and losses must be incurred for the risk to be meaningful, good or bad.
Thinking about what if only leaves questions but I went for it and failed says you took the risk and it didn’t go your way but you keep on plugging through life until you score the goal you seek.
I myself have taken risks and have failed but have also won a few.
As MrH likes to say “Damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead” because life doesn’t wait for you, you got to go find it.
Great Post Vickie.:smile:
July 10th, 2006 at 11:16 am
That’s some pretty deep stuff. I try not to sweat things like how other people see me or percieve me, but I do find myself not saying things I’d like to when I’m angry at the Wife. But as you said, relationships can be hard things, even when there’s a great deal of trust there.
I think you can’t go through life watching everything you say for fear of hurting someone, since there’s no way you can please everyone. The key is to be yourself and be willing to accept that risks are ok. If things don’t work out the way you planned, roll with it and just keep going.
July 10th, 2006 at 12:20 pm
For the last 39 years I haven’t had to worry about much of those ups & downs as I had the privilege to be married to Annie for 37 1/2 years during that time. Since her death last summer I am now having to face those issues and am not sure how to proceed. Annie wasn’t perfect but we complimented each other well. She had health issues but I loved being able to provide extra help when she needed it. It could have been me who had the health problems and I am sure she would have done the same for me. After having as close to the best as is probably possible, I wonder if I could ever be so lucky again.
As I approach the one year anniversary of her death later this month, I wish for another relationship like we had. But it is scarey to think about the process. Your writing is an inspiration pointing out to me that achieving the grail is worth the occasional pain of the quest. Thank you.
July 11th, 2006 at 8:07 am
I know so well those feelings, it’s hard to open up and take that risk at times. I have oftened wonder in my life how much hurt the heart can sustain.
At one time it felt as if my heart was shattered in a million pieces, it took me a long time to pick up those pieces and put it back together, after that, taking steps becomes even harder.
Ironically, it wasn’t just others that hurt me, I hurt myself also.
Take care, Vickie.
That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.
*HUGS*
July 11th, 2006 at 12:31 pm
Ms Vickie - call me, will you?? I tried to email you but it bounced back. It’s about colors. Love ya!