As another week and month come to an end, we have a chance to reflect upon the time gone by and what it’s meant for us, as well as what it brought to us. Use your time well, enjoy life, live it —here we are time for Saturday Smiles.

ONELINERS

* No more about Elvis, OK? Thankyouverymuch
* I believe in dragons, honest women, and other fantasy creatures.
* The meaning of life is a feeling.
* Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
* Good writing means taking the effort out of the reading.
* A confident manner is important: Computers can sense this!
* Insomnia is a nightmare.
* To a worm, digging in the hard ground is more relaxing than going fishing.
* An alarming number of people suffer from seriousness.
* A wishbone has never taken the place of a backbone.
* When you have your head up your butt, 4 of the 5 senses do not work.
* Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again
* Whether it’s landslides or our aging bodies . . . gravity always wins.
* I’ll bet you can get a real good deal on 14 bridesmaid dresses right now on eBay.
* When gas prices reach $5 a gallon, it should include car insurance.
* The best antiques are old friends.
* Our guy running for sheriff is overqualified. He’s presidential material.
* So many journalists, so little real news.
* I wouldn’t touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole.
* I’m a Psychic Amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
* I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.
* Home Depot is Disney for adults. It costs the same, and no matter how hard you fight it, you always end up going back.
* One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.
* There are only 10 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
* Please God, give me patience - but HURRY!
* Food tastes better when somebody else makes it.
* Marriages are made in heaven, but they have to be maintained on earth.
* Hypocrisy is the opposite of success.
* We should spend less time in front of the mirror and more time looking at ourselves.
* Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up.
* Happiness is enjoying even the bad times.
* If we can’t laugh at ourselves, everyone else will.
* A true test leaves no time to cram.
* The best thing about not saying anything is that it can’t be repeated.
* Everything happens for the best, even to dummies like me.
* “Giving” is a good investment.
* Zionism: You have 250 acres of desert and no water yet you manage to cultivate the world’s best fruits and veggies. . . and you wonder why other desert-dwellers hate you.

MARRIAGE?

* You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
* At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,”Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
“Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.”
* A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
“Husband Wanted”.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
* When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
* A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
* A little boy asked his father,
“Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
* A young son asked,
“Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”
Dad replied, “That happens in every country, son.”
* Then there was a woman who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.”
* Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
* If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say — talk in your sleep.
* Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
* First guy says, “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy remarks, “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
* A Woman’s Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand
a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for
patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I
pray forStrength I’ll just beat him to death ”

Enjoy your day, smile and we will all meet here again very soon. A special thanks goes out to several people for understanding me well lately and hanging with me. You are the best.