It’s Saturday and time for a few of Saturday’s Smiles, hope you enjoy these. I will tell you now before read any more there are a few *R* rated so if you are not ready for them you just might want to skip the smiles today.

HEAVEN AND HELL

There was a fence that divided Heaven from Hell.

One day God notices that the devil’s side is in pretty bad shape.

It is falling down, badly in need of paint, weeds growing up around it, etc.

So, God hollers over the fence, “Hey Satan, why don’t you fix up your side of the fence?”

Satan hollers back, “Why don’t you mind your own business.”

So God says, “I’ll hire a lawyer and sue you if you don’t.”

The devil replies, “Yeah, right. Where are YOU going to find a lawyer?”
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WELL HUNG LAWYER

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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MEDIUM AND RARE

What is the difference between medium and rare?

Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
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PORCUPINE AND PORSCHE

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?

The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
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SCRAMBLED WORDS

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.

When you rearrange the letters:

DORMITORY: DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN: BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER: MOON STARER

DESPERATION: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH: HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY: IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS: LIES - LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S

A DECIMAL POINT: IM A DOT IN PLACE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW: WOMAN HITLER
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UNDERSTANDING RELATIONSHIPS:

* ATTRACTION - The act of associating horniness with a particular person.

* LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

* DATING - The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

* BIRTH CONTROL - Avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men or spending time around young children.

* EASY - A term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

* EYE CONTACT - A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman’s eyes are not located in her chest.

* FRIEND - A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance, who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

* INDIFFERENCE - A woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get.”

* INTERESTING - A word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

* IRRITATING HABIT - What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

* LAW OF RELATIVITY - How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportional to how unattractive your date is.

* NYMPHOMANIAC - A man’s term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

* FRIGID - A man’s term for a woman who wants to have sex less often than he does, or one who requires more foreplay than lifting her nightgown.

* SOBER - Condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

* NAG - A man’s term for a woman who wants more to her life with him than just sex.
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For those who enjoy horseracing:
THE HORSE RACE

THE LINEUP:
In lane 1: Passionate Lady.
In lane 2: Bare Belly.
In lane 3: Silk Panties.
In lane 4: Conscience.
In lane 5: Jockey Shorts.
In lane 6: Clean Sheets.
In lane 7: Thighs.
In lane 8: Big Dick.
In lane 9: Heavy Bosom.
In lane 10: Merry Cherry.

AAAAAAAAAAND THEY’RE OFF.
Conscience is left behind at the gate… Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured and Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs, and Big Dick is in a dangerous spot…

AT THE HALFWAY MARK:
It’s Bare Belly on top. Thighs open and Big Dick is pressed in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick…

AT THE STRETCH:
It’s Merry Cherry cracks under the strain…..Big Dick is making a final drive… Big Dick moves inside and Passionate Lady is coming…

AT THE FINISH:
It’s Big Dick giving everything he’s got….Passionate Lady takes everything Big Dick has to offer. It looks like a dead heat but… Big Dick comes through with one final thrust, and wins by a head… Bare Belly shows and Thighs weaken… Heavy Bosom pulls up…..and Clean Sheets never had a chance!!!

Hope you enjoy your Saturday and do something nice not for yourself but for someone else. See you back here soon.