Freeing Yourself and Knowing When the Time is Right | Filed under General
I could have been in the middle of a custody battle but two friends are being adults. I know both must hurt so here I am sharing a few of my thoughts with them in hopes it might help in some small way. Just as a good relationship can have a positive impact on your life, stressful, draining, or imbalanced relationships can have negative effects on your health and well-being. It’s common to maintain a relationship because we feel the other person needs us or we believe that they will eventually change. We may also be afraid of hurting the other person or feel insecure in our ability to find new relationships. But knowing when to end a relationship and acknowledging that the pain will pass can often prevent greater pain and feelings of loss in the long run.
If you’re in a relationship that isn’t satisfying or one that has become unhealthy for you, rather than spending energy attempting to fix the problem or complaining, ask yourself what you really want from the relationship. Consider whether the other person truly considers your feelings or if they are willing to change their behavior. Ask yourself if you’ve often thought about ending the relationship or if you feel your bonds have atrophied. While every relationship has ups and downs, when there are more downs than ups or the two of you are bringing out the worst in each other, it may be time to sever the connection. Be honest with yourself and your answers, even if the truth is painful.
Relationships thrive on honesty, communication, mutual caring, and time spent together. When one or more of these elements are missing, it may be that the relationship, no matter how passionate, simply isn’t worth it. It’s far better to end a relationship that doesn’t feel right than to hold on to it and languish in feelings of anger or resentment. Moving on without struggle, on the other hand, can be the door that leads you to a more nurturing relationship in the future.
Monica and Brian may you both find the happiness you deserve.
March 21st, 2006 at 5:46 pm
Thank you, friend. I look forward to a wonderful future and wish Brian the same. Now, let’s get you through tomorrow.
Love you.
March 21st, 2006 at 7:14 pm
Very well said. I wish Monica and Brian the best as they go their separate ways.
Good luck tomorrow on your appointment. Been thinking about you !
*HUGS*
March 21st, 2006 at 7:55 pm
Sorry about the breakup there Monica and Brian, total bummer. Vickie, solid advice and excellent points. I’m in a new relationship as of about two months ago. I’ve told T a few times that I don’t want to make the same mistakes I made the last couple times, so for one thing, let’s communicate! Your points are well thought out. Nice post!
I hope your feeling better Vickie.
March 21st, 2006 at 9:43 pm
As someone who’s been in a relationship with one person for a very long time, I would wholeheartedly agree that without communication and mutual willingness to work through problems and tough times, a relationship won’t last. If one or the other party is not willing to listen and work on whatever the problems may be, then there’s no use spending energy on it. Love is wonderful but by itself it won’t do.
Good luck to Monica and Brian.
March 21st, 2006 at 10:07 pm
You must have been thinking of me when you wrote the second paragraph of this post. Sadly not everyone see’s things that way. Some people have a hard time understanding sometimes the kindest thing you can do is to let go.
“Some relationships are like broken glass. It’s better to leave them broken, and move forward, than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”
I too wish Monica and Brian the happiness they both so richly deserve.
March 21st, 2006 at 11:30 pm
Very nice post. Good advise for all of us. I am bummed about Monica and Brian, too, but I love them both and wish them the best of luck. I know they will both be fine because of who they are.
Now, for you, I am praying that your appointment goes well tomorrow. Please let me know if I can do anything for you. XO
March 21st, 2006 at 11:45 pm
Thank you so much for this post, Vickie.
March 22nd, 2006 at 12:20 am
I am so upset and heartbroken about this. But I know what will be was meant to be. But still, it hurts and it must be really hurting the little ones too. I’ll be keeping them in my prayers.
You are the song of the day on my blog by the way.
Hugs, love and prayers
March 22nd, 2006 at 1:34 am
Hi Vickie, Just checking in on you, wishing I could stop by at the porch and give you a hug. Cheers,
March 22nd, 2006 at 1:56 am
I’ll be thinkin of you tomorrow; please give us an update as soon as you feel up to it, as we’ll all be waiting anxiously for word from you.
March 22nd, 2006 at 3:44 am
Beautiful post my dear. I think the same way. Now granted, I’m not beyond trying to fix a problem…a lot of relationships can be salvaged and much stronger if they are nutured in the right way…but on the other hand, I’ve seen one too many ppl who get stuck in a horribe relationship they just cannot escape. People fall victims to their own circumstances and fail to see that they are in control of their own destinies. There must be something in change of the seasons…i just read something quite similiar on another blog.
Take care of yourself.
March 22nd, 2006 at 6:00 am
Vicki,
Both Monica and Brian are wonderful people. I wish them both the best.
Good luck tommorrow. Do you have somebody to go with you to the appointment?
March 22nd, 2006 at 1:18 pm
Very well said indeed.
March 22nd, 2006 at 6:09 pm
Vickie, thinking of you, friend. Sending those positive thoughts your way.
March 22nd, 2006 at 6:10 pm
OH, I forgot! I have an appointment to go in to get registered for the bone marrow registry!!!!
March 22nd, 2006 at 6:47 pm
Hey girl, I hopoe your appt. went well. Good sound advise as always girl.
March 22nd, 2006 at 9:23 pm
Just stopping by to see how things are going. My thoughts and prayers are with you today (as always).
March 23rd, 2006 at 1:17 am
Finally got this internet thing fixed!
I wanted to drop by and see how you were.
Hugs,
Deb
March 23rd, 2006 at 4:16 am
Vickie, as usual you know just what to say. I do wish Monica the very best and I will try to find the same for myself.
Thank you.
March 23rd, 2006 at 12:43 pm
Very good advice, and just good common sense to let it go if it isn’t happening. I’ve been there and done that once before myself. It can be painful, but in the end I think it’s less so than dragging it on for years to come.
March 23rd, 2006 at 1:24 pm
We are all waiting on your news with great concern.
March 23rd, 2006 at 4:52 pm
“Love is wonderful but by itself it won’t do.” -Vince
Well said! Younger couples don’t understand that. They want to believe in that beautiful, hurtless love that doesn’t exist. Joe and I were 17 when we met. In 10 years we’ve been through every circumstance that could break a marriage in half. Love didn’t get us through. Commitment did. I feel lucky that we were worth it to each other.
Vicki-It’s been a while since I last popped in. Hope Missy isn’t giving you a rough time. Your posts are incredibly effective. I hope you know that.
March 23rd, 2006 at 5:30 pm
Very strong post Ms Vickie !
Hit the right notes with me today !
Hope all is well
March 23rd, 2006 at 5:32 pm
Thinking of today as I do every day. God bless.
March 23rd, 2006 at 6:09 pm
I agree completely and wish them both the best and every happiness.
March 24th, 2006 at 3:12 am
Got cha on my mind, most all the time.
This was a very moving post. I’m betting it touched the hearts of many who have experienced similar changes in their relationships and their lives.
Keep the faith, sugah.
March 24th, 2006 at 3:50 am
So what’s the word? I’m guessing you’re probably not up to posting about it yet - but I’m praying for you honey.
March 24th, 2006 at 4:26 am
You definitely hit all the major points on this one little lady. Well done.
TGIF!
March 24th, 2006 at 3:13 pm
Just dropping by to say hi Vickie. It isn’t often I get to do so these days, but I just miss you and wanted to embrace you and your blog. XOXOXO
March 24th, 2006 at 5:35 pm
I don’t have any experience with trying to repair relationships. I guess I was lucky and mine went on for over 38 years until Annie died last summer. Your advice sure sounds good to me. I don’t know Monica or Brian but many here seem to. I guess sometimes a relationship just was not supposed to be and it can take awhile to recognize that.
I have had limited access to the Internet for a few days so was not able to send well wished for your doc apt Wed. I hope it all went well and you now know what the problem is. That is the first step to solving one. My prayers are with you, my friend.
March 24th, 2006 at 7:50 pm
Me again Vickie! I tagged you for a very small meme if you want to do it. Pop over and copy the questions when you get a chance
March 24th, 2006 at 9:08 pm
Hugs sent your way…. with prayers for healing. You always think of others before yourself. We are blessed and I hope you will be. ~Great post as usual~
March 24th, 2006 at 10:14 pm
Hi again Vickie, some real good advice here. I especially like how the post started. You COULD have been involved in the middle of a custody battle, I am glad you weren’t, as it is best to let the two parties deal with it, and only be there for the support and encouragement. It never is easy being stuck in the middle of two peoples battles. It’s true too that sometimes a relationship is not worth saving if the two people are just not meant for each other. Great post from an insightful woman. Cheers,
March 24th, 2006 at 11:41 pm
Hi Vickie,
I am just checking in to see how your appointment went on Wednesday. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
*HUGS*
March 25th, 2006 at 4:00 am
Hiya Vicki! Hope you’re doing well hon!!
Ahh, yes, relationships, nice post!
March 25th, 2006 at 5:31 pm
So very true, and worth the pain in the end.
March 25th, 2006 at 7:32 pm
Good Day Miss Vickie,
I’m here by way of Brian’s.
I’ve admired your blog a few times before. I get an ahahhhhhhome feeling when I see the picture of a southern beauty of a home just before the words come up. And the magnolia flower is my fave. You blog is instantly comforting and then lastingly so as your words of wisdom are soothing truth.
thank you for sharing your thoughts,
grace with ease,
Miss Thomai
March 26th, 2006 at 1:11 am
Just stopping in to say Hi, and to let you know I’m thinking of you. Hugs.
March 26th, 2006 at 1:53 pm
Hi Vickie,
You are absolutely right about what you’re saying here. I had to find that out the hard way. Now my yardstick is whether or not I feel better or worse than when alone. An unhealthy relationship can turn a healthy human being into a nervous wrack.
Ciao for now,
Emmanuel
March 26th, 2006 at 5:48 pm
Every couple breaking up should read that post and pay heed to it. I wish my ex had.
March 27th, 2006 at 12:32 am
Shug, I’m starting to get real worried about you. Seriously, I need to know your okay.
Eamil me okay.
March 27th, 2006 at 6:14 pm
Vickie - Are you OK? I’m guessing here that the appointment went badly. Kinda worried, here. Please email me if you can. Do you need help?