Life is a Rollercoaster | Filed under General
Life takes us on a rollercoaster ride full of highs and lows and twists and turns. Even for those of us who enjoy unexpected thrills, it’s frightening to suddenly find ourselves heading for a deep plunge. Yet, it happens to all of us. At these moments, it is important to remember that we are not alone in our experiences. No matter how brave, strong, or levelheaded we are, sometimes, we all get scared. I am scared and will be living on a rollercoaster until I know more.
My fear revolves around my visit to Dr. M. Several months ago when I saw her as most good physicians do at some point soon after you become their patient, they will do routine blood work. When my results came back there was some abnormal results which we talked about and both felt it was very appropriate to wait and repeat at a later date. Well the later date came, the blood was drawn, the test ran, the results came back and not only were they still abnormal but they had continued to increase during that time. After several questions today, she informed she has already done a phone consult with my neurologist just to ask a few questions about some of the medications I had taken and she had also talked with the physician that is the Medical Director at the lab where the test were done. All three came up with the same… I need to see a Hematologist/Oncologist. I have elevated Red blood cells, elevated Hemoglobin, elevated Hematocrit and elevated Platelet count. This is not at all related to Missy so now I ride the roller coaster and I’m sorry I have not enjoyed one since someone on a twist above shared with me something I was not interested in many years ago. Since that time I have done my best to stay off the roller coaster well most of them that is. My fear is very valid and I do not need to feel ashamed or embarrassed that I am, at times, afraid. I admit I’m afraid right now but I will be fine.
It is comforting to me knowing that everyone gets scared, and it is perfectly OK. Sometimes just acknowledging my fears is enough to make me feel better. It takes a lot more to ease my mind, I try an console myself with the knowledge that life can be scary at times. Giving myself permission to be scared lets me move through my fears so I can try and let it go. It also makes it alright to share my fears with others. Sharing my apprehensions with other people makes my fears less overwhelming because I am not letting them grow inside of me. Sharing my fears also lightens my burden because I am not carrying my worries all by myselves. Thank you Karen and Monica for sharing my fears with me tonight and for allowing me to lighten my burden as my worries are no longer mine.
I just shared my fear with you but I would appreciate positive thoughts and prayers if you are so inclined. I know this rollercoaster ride will continue until I have an answer. I know I will not be alone which brings me comfort.
March 17th, 2006 at 6:51 pm
I’m sorry that you have been put through so much fear and apprehension lately; I will never understand why good people are so often put through such terrible tests. I’m sending you lots of prayers and positive thoughts, along with some soft squishy cyberhugs. God bless.
March 17th, 2006 at 6:52 pm
You are never alone, Vickie and you are right, it is OK to be scared. Know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers.
You’re in excellent hands with your doctors and I’m sure your niece will see that you are taken care of with the hemotologist. I believe God is looking out for you too and I pray there is an easy solution.
I’m sending extra love and hugs to you, my sweet friend.
March 17th, 2006 at 7:03 pm
Darling friend, if you need ANYTHING, let me know. I’ll go in to have any test needed for you; bone marrow, anything. Karen and I will spread the word if you need anyone to test for anything; you know how blogging spreads the word!
Love you and thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers and thoughts.
March 17th, 2006 at 7:22 pm
Do they have any idea what is going on Vickie??
You have my number, please feel free to use it at any time! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
(((bighugs)))
March 17th, 2006 at 7:30 pm
Vickie,
You are a pillar of strength, and I pray all will be well with you. You have truly made a positive impact on my life. My dear friend, you know you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
If you need ANYTHING, please let me know.
They finally got my internet fixed. Grrr.
March 17th, 2006 at 8:52 pm
Monica sent me over, Vickie. Not to be preachy, but prayers work and you’ve got some from me. You are NOT alone.
John
March 17th, 2006 at 8:59 pm
You know Vickie, sometimes I just want to sit down and cry. Life is just so unfair. I see people all around me living the ‘good’ life. No worries, no cares. They have their health, their money, their houses and fancy cars. They have all, yet they really have no appreciation for any of it. Then I see people like you. Someone who has so much to give, so much to offer, and life seems determined to be like shifting sands under your feet. It just seems so unfair.
It’s times like this that we have to turn to our faith and believe there is a reason. That God is preparing you for something bigger and better than we can see with our mortal eyes. Of course being the amazing woman you are you will meet this battle head on. Fighting and determined to win. You inspire me. Did I ever tell you, you are [one of] my hero(s)?
Your name is already on our prayer list, and tonight, there will be a new candle lit for you. The hardest part of praying is the part where I have to say “Lord, thy will be done”.
March 17th, 2006 at 9:00 pm
I am sending prayers and good thoughts your way.
It’s ok to be scared. At least you are admitting it. When you don’t admit it, then you can’t conquer it.
You obviously have tons of wonderful people who care about you tremendously. And I have just become one of them.
You are not alone.
March 17th, 2006 at 9:02 pm
I can certainly understand why you are scared. Please let me know if I can do anything for you except pray really hard. XO
March 17th, 2006 at 9:04 pm
It doesn’t matter what’s up; it’s enough Monica has requested thoughts (good ones) and prayers your way.
You got ‘em.
March 17th, 2006 at 9:31 pm
Vicki, you have every right to be scared, who wouldnt be in the face of such results. Of course you have my thoughts and prayers. I dont care much for the rollercoaster myself, more of a merry go round sorta girl! If I can do anything to help, dont hesitate to ask.
March 17th, 2006 at 9:59 pm
Vickie,
I think it is normal to be scared. I have you in my thoughts and prayers. I know prayers do work. Hang in there.
*HUGS*
March 17th, 2006 at 10:29 pm
((Vickie)) sending good thoughts and prayers your way!!
Also wanted to wish you a Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! You need a little luck of the Irish right now!
March 17th, 2006 at 10:46 pm
Vickie, I have visited your blog a few times during the past, since I started a blog.
I have never commented as I am waging a private battle with MS… however as a carer/daughter. My mother was diagnosed when I was 3…I am not 38. Many I have spoken have take some form of consellation from this piece of information. I hope you can. The reason I have never commented is that I am not too sure what I can say. However, today I feel I want to. To let you know that I am thinking about you and to tell you that over the years I have learnt you must trust the advancing changes in medical science. My Mother also has a strong faith (I am not able to), she uses her faith to help guide her and give her strength.
I hope that my comment is of help to you, and not the opposite, I am scared to upset you more.
Please look after yourself
Xx Fizz xX
March 17th, 2006 at 11:36 pm
Vicki go ahead and be scared, mad, sad, anything you want to be just know that you are surrounded by lots of love, prayers, good thoughts and a strong group of friends that will do anything you want or need us to do. Big Hugs my friend!! with all the prayers God is getting right now on your behalf… He is going to be up really late listening *smile*
March 17th, 2006 at 11:50 pm
Vickie, I’m so sorry to hear of this. Being scared is a normal human feeling and reaction to what you’ve been told. I know how hearing something like that can overwhelm and freeze our thoughts into a denial type reaction, or they can make us afraid and yet strong enough to face the challenge. You are a strong person experiencing a natural fear, and it’s even ok to cry. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Vickie, and you are not alone.
March 18th, 2006 at 12:10 am
Hell even ol tough biker GB gets scared sometimes.
You have a full porch of friends to sit with and talk to. Call any of us whenever you need too.
March 18th, 2006 at 12:47 am
With a real roller coaster, you choose to ride, and you’re reasonably sure its going to end soon and you can get back onto good old terra firma. Unfortunately, life hijacks a few courageous souls for a roller coaster ride they did not want. The fear is real as this ride shows no indication of ending and the downhill slides seem to outnumber the up. Continue to feel us sitting next to you Vickie, riding along side, holding on, providing love and comfort and hope that the ride will level off and allow you to enjoy a few simple pleasures along the way. We’re here.
March 18th, 2006 at 12:50 am
Wish I could reach through this screen and hug you to pieces. My prayers include you morning, noon and night.
March 18th, 2006 at 1:10 am
You spread so many good wishes and prayers to everyone. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I’m sending you lots of good wishes for the best possible outcome in your tests. I hope knowing how so many people care will lighten the load. Personally, I never liked rollercoasters and I hope you’ll be able to get off soon.
March 18th, 2006 at 3:58 am
You’re in my prayers Vickie. *Hugs*
March 18th, 2006 at 4:38 am
You have already had to deal with so much, that I hope that this is not something else to trouble you. I have the utmost faith in your strength, character and positive attitude. Hugs.
March 18th, 2006 at 5:00 am
Sorry for what you’ve been through. Take a break tomorrow and have a Me-First day. Pamper yourself and only think positive thoughts. Tomorrow is a day with no self-talk or doubt. Don’t dwell on the future. Just enjoy the moment and appreciate the wonderful person God made in you. Happy St. Pat’s!
March 18th, 2006 at 6:51 am
You are not alone, not alone at all Vicki. And I will be praying for you! I have had cancer scares of my own, and when I was very afraid it had come back 1 1/2 years ago, my father and my pastor both gave me the same Scripture on the same day(they don’t even know each other). I was expecting something about comfort, but instead it was Ephesians 6:10-18 regarding putting on the full armor of God. And you know, I read it over and over again and I heard it in a way I never did before. It changed my life.
Take care, dear Vicki. Keep us posted. Consider your hand held.
March 18th, 2006 at 10:57 am
I came over here from oopsydaisy’s blog to let you know that people are concerned. There is nothing wrong with being scared. I know the feeling because I also have my fears about my wife Ellen who I see has left a comment here also but just remember that you aren’t alone and if we didn’t get a little scared sometimes then there would really be something wrong with us. Prayers are with you.
March 18th, 2006 at 11:35 am
What to say Vickie? you are in all our hearts and we are showering you with love.
Get well dear Vickie.
March 18th, 2006 at 1:02 pm
With everyone else I say your not alone. The ride will go up. With all these good people prayers and my own. You ride will go up.
March 18th, 2006 at 1:52 pm
Here via Monica to give you doggie kisses (but not dog-breath). You’re in our prayers, too.
March 18th, 2006 at 2:16 pm
I hope you feel much better soon Miss Vickie! I’m here via Susan’s website by the way. Love your site! The design is excellent.
John in Michigan
March 18th, 2006 at 4:24 pm
Oh Miz Vickie, my heart is heavy with the thought that you have to ride another roller coaster with all that you already deal with. But I know that with all the love and the friends you have, that the prayers and positive thoughts will help you deal with this latest crisis. Sometimes life isn’t fair, but it is definitely an inspiration when our friends are there to lift us up and help us carry such heavy burdens. You are as always in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs, love and prayers.
March 18th, 2006 at 4:52 pm
Sending positive vibes and prayers.
((hugs))
March 18th, 2006 at 5:18 pm
I will add you to my prayer list, and just sent up a little extra one for you. I’ve had a couple of short trips on the rollercoaster myself. I don’t know what I can do to help, but I’m always here if you want to ‘chat’. Take care sweetie. *Big hugs*
March 18th, 2006 at 5:50 pm
What a surprise to find you here! I have missed you at the old site I had for you and didn’t know what had happened. I knew things were going rough for you and have thought about you many times. I am glad I found you here, but sorry to hear about the medical problems. I will keep you in my prayers.
March 18th, 2006 at 10:38 pm
Ms. Vicki…not to appear smug….but God has walked beside me, carried me, and sometimes has had to just plain shove me along all my life….so we are pretty tight buds.
He told me….you will be just fine..
Fear is like Love…it gives us the power we need to survive, so I won’t tell you not to be afraid, only to have Faith.
You are blessed with many friends,because you are a blessing.Lean on them.
March 19th, 2006 at 6:14 am
You are in my thoughts, Ms. V. Your light will allow you to shine through this fear. I know have the strength to make it through the darkest of hours. We are all here for you!
Let me know if you need ANYTHING!
March 19th, 2006 at 8:06 am
When will you know? Me - I’m a planner. I need to know all the facts - then I plan how to address them. Will the final test results be in this next week? And I think it is a stone bitch that you have one more thing to fret about on your plate. Shit, honey; I’m so sorry.
March 20th, 2006 at 8:52 am
so sorry you are going thru med stuff,my husband just got the,,ur bloodwork doesn’t look right,we’ll have to retake it.i pray for you and hope all your visits are nice and calm and no bad news.good luck
March 24th, 2006 at 8:05 am
I don’t know your situation but I have a good idea of what they might be telling you about your blood and if its what I think a good friend of mine is going through the exact same thing right now with her son.
I’m praying for you. Call or write any time.