It is another Saturday and time for a few smiles and humor. Today there will be a theme among the jokes; all will be around male/female, relationships, and marriage after all next week is that very important day, Valentines.
Hope you will enjoy them and if you’ve seen them before—oh well guess that just shows I have good taste and am always late but never fear sooner or later….

Sex Study

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that
people with insufficient sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don’t bother taking it off now; it’s too late.

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Wishing Well

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, “Lord grant me one wish.”

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me.”

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say ‘nothing’, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”

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Marriage Quickies I

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he’ll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the “y” becomes silent.

Question: How do most men define marriage?
Answer: A very expensive way to get your laundry done.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A couple was having a discussion about family finances.
Finally the husband exploded, “If it weren’t for my money, the house wouldn’t be here!”
The wife replied, “My dear, if it weren’t for your money, I wouldn’t be here.”

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute

Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

My wife told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got two girlfriends.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Marriage is a three ring circus:
1. engagement ring
2. wedding ring
2. suffering

Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.”

Bachelors should pay more taxes, they enjoy a better quality of life.

Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand.

Married life is very frustrating:
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
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Cosmetics: A woman’s way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.
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What Is…?

What is a Cat?

1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They’re totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They’re moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.

CONCLUSION: They’re tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?

1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don’t hear you when you’re in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.

CONCLUSION: They’re tiny men in little fur coats

Have a great day, smile so I’ll know what you have been up to. Until the next time I return, remember “Our Porch” is always open so just drop by and leave comments for me or others make this one of if not the best communities for interaction. This site is not just about the post I make it is about enjoying each other. Make me proud.