Mojo Monday and a little sexual confidence | Filed under General
Time does seem to get away, here it is Monday once again and time for Mojo Monday. Last week we gathered close, shared, and the temperatures gave way to some extra heat. We were in luck though as no one was taken away for revealing too much or I’ll just say no one got caught and no one complained. Most of the chat seemed to center on having our own groove and being self confident.
Stop for just a minute and think about self confidence and just what does it mean. There are some things that sexual confidence is not about. For starters, it’s not about having a great body. Perhaps unexpectedly, older women like myself will describe myself as much more sexually confident than someone much younger. I say “unexpectedly” because younger women tend to be regarded as having more objective sex appeal. But I being an older woman have the extremely valuable benefit of experience.
Let me just say it this way: “If I took the confidence I have now and the body I had in my 20s or 30s, I’d be hell on wheels. But would I trade what I now understand about myself, my body, and sex just to have the body back? No way, no how!” When I was younger, my fear of rejection and insecurity caused her to be a people pleaser. At last I know better now: It’s not selfish in a sexual situation to please you. Just stop for a minute and think about it I do —what greater gift can I give my partner than to have a really good time? If I am having fun, my partner is going to have fun. Now I do not see or allow this to be a license for selfishness; it’s a recognition that I can’t give away what I don’t have myself. Yes here I am back again—-love yourself before you can love others or expect them to love you, that even play into sex.
Sexual confidence isn’t something you need a partner to give to you or validate in you. In fact, I find if I’m focusing too much on him that can be a big distraction and erode my sexual confidence. If I am not worrying about what he is thinking then I will enjoy myself much more. I think as time goes by, I tend to focus and pay less attention to what other people think. I certainly don’t let men inhibit me, I am much more at ease with the prospect of being on my own, I am more content with who I am and feel far less desperation to be in a sexual relationship—which in turn, allows me to relax and feel more secure in myself. This then clearly boosts my sexual confidence. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy sex very much but I no longer feel I have to have it to the point I will reach out for it anywhere as I once did. I have now become sexually confident in myself and enjoy life. In the past I would never have had the confidence to have written so openly here but this is not about sex it is about being confident. Ms. Vickie has that these days.
This brings me to a point I want to make certain you get, this should be the core truth about sexual confidence: It is not all about sex; it is very much about power, the power that comes from liking and accepting yourself. A woman who is open-minded, wants to have fun, and isn’t counting on getting an engagement ring within minutes of meeting a man has an ease about her that translates as power. By contrast, one who looks like she’s on the prowl for Mr. Right and is deafened by the ticking of her biological clock sends a totally different message. And as any guy will tell you, that message is: Run! But if you’re comfortable and genuinely happy, others sense it and want it. Women who like where they are in their lives exude an assurance that makes for some very positive vibes in the bedroom. Those positive vibes are not just in the bedroom but carry over into your every being and you will find yourself content and saying Life Is Simply Good.
This is just my perspective and many of you have your own so come on we can have our own little Cosmopolitan report here. This is defiantly a female perspective so how about you males throwing your thoughts out here as well. I do value your input very much, more than you know. So come on talk to me as you pull up a seat and set a spell with Ms. Vickie, the Southern Belle.
February 6th, 2006 at 7:34 pm
WOW. you do have a way of nailing things right on the head. I couldn’t agree more. From my persepective, the woman who feels comfortable with herself is so much more of a turn on.
But from my side of things, I too have become far more confident in myself with time. I used to be scared to express my feelings, show my lover what I wanted or give her what I wanted to share. Now, I have become centered to who I am, what I have to offer and enjoying it all that it is so much more intense and special.
Great post, sweet lady. Hugs, love and prayers.
Thank you Cowboy—Knowing oneself does allow us to open to share but more than that it allows us to find our happiness. Now that you have found your confidence —allow it to open doors for you not force them for it will come naturally. Intense and special we become for ourself and others.
February 6th, 2006 at 7:35 pm
If you don’t have to have a great body to be sexually cofident, then I might be okay….. LOL Got to get my butt to the gym.
Good post again.
David, You might be okay no you ARE okay. Remember that and go for it.
February 6th, 2006 at 7:38 pm
Great post, and I agree it all gets easier as I age in confidence as well as body ;o) Great site too!
Thanks for visiting me yesterday :o)
Iona, Thanks for the visit and the comment. Hope you return again.
February 6th, 2006 at 8:39 pm
You hit the subject dead center! And one other thing that i’ve found to be absolutely necessary…
You have to be able to laugh with your partner, in the bedroom as well as out.
(((hugs)))to you lady!
Trace– Thanks dead center and I can’t see oh wait that is another post.
You are right laughter with our partner is a must, thanks for the important reminder.
Love and hugs to you, my special friend
February 6th, 2006 at 10:10 pm
I couldn’t agree with you more too. In my twenties, although I turned a few heads, I didn’t have the sexual confidence in myself, and it showed outwardly. Now I’m in my mid-30’s, I just feel good about myself, and THAT shows.
Deb, You have IT and understand it as well. Congratulations go my friend turn a few heads.
February 7th, 2006 at 12:36 am
I always laugh when I think how our media tosses aside anybody who’s not in there 20s anymore. I’m in my early 30s (almost 35), and I feel ignored by men’s fashion trends, tv, and the mass culture. But I wouldn’t change my age for all the money in the world. I feel like just in my 30s, something has changed…a deep profoundness…a much more happy sense of self…not caring what other ppl think. I now understand why women in their 40s, 50s, 60s, etc, who exude a certain sense of confidence appear so sexy.
These insecure Brintey Spears wanna-be’s with their fake boobies and obsession over hair and make-up got nothing on a woman who knows what she wants and knows how to use it!
Have a great week.
Gary, It is so nice to know you, one I see has very intelligent, fun and caring does get it and understand. Congratulations you are on the right track and one day soon some one will be snatching you up so watch out and in the mean time enjoy life .
Have a great week, smile my friend.
February 7th, 2006 at 12:49 am
You got it my freind. Confidence and knowing yourself. The key to life. All them hawkers of self confidence books and schemes should look out. The word is getting out.
Hi Bubba, Never thought of it in those terms—the key to life but a very good way to think of it. You do have a way with words, and I love it.
February 7th, 2006 at 11:01 am
Hi Ms Hell On Wheels, that conjures up a picyure Vickie!!
Peter, Hell on wheels I am so watch out.
February 7th, 2006 at 2:47 pm
Very well said and you brought up many good points. It has taken me a long time to have any sort of confidence in myself and I do have a lot of sexual knowledge (from books mostly LOL) and passion built up, it will take the right guy to tap into all of that. All I can say is I hope he’s got a strong heart. *snicker*
You are hell on wheels, you wild thang, you!
Love you!!! And again, I’m sorry for being such a space cadet.
Karen, Thanks for the compliment—you should know oh wait how should you know, com on talk to us, we want to hear a few things.
I don’tthink I want to be in the next room or even the next house when that passion goes, after all this time.
Karen no problem all is fine my friend. You are special and loved.
February 7th, 2006 at 6:50 pm
Vickie, thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers over my cousin and my mom…it’s friends like you and Karen, Skunk and FTS, Deni and Brian and I better stop cause you know I’ll leave someone out and then it’ll be about hurt feelings but it’s about YOU in this comment…I know you are my dear friend and I’ve been so out of touch the past week but as we’ve proven time and again in this blog community…when we need to step back, whether for Missy or family or whatever the reason, we know our blogfriends are with us in spirit.
I love you, friend.
Monica, You are welcome I just felt so bad and inadequate when I found out. I still wish there was more I could do. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of you so you can be there for your mom and so glad to know she is doing okay.
I love you Ms.Monica you are a very special lady.
February 7th, 2006 at 8:56 pm
Well, I’d sit down and chat with ya about this, but it’s difficult when you don’t know a thing about the subject!
Ms. Sally You wrote the book about confidence oh wait no that was the book on love. Yes my friend that is the book you wrote—-love. However you can not be so loving and not have some confidence.
February 7th, 2006 at 9:17 pm
What a great post. I am beginning to understand that what you say is true. Confidence is very sexy.
Having some lemonade in your honor.
XO
Ms. Teresa, Enjoy the lemonade but more than that your confidence. Looking good my friend, looking good
February 8th, 2006 at 3:14 am
My new hairstyle is making me feel awfully sexy!
WW, You are one smart lady and add your confidence you exude sex. Shine lady shine.
February 8th, 2006 at 4:50 am
“it is very much about power, the power that comes from liking and accepting yourself…”
Amen sister! The power of love doesn’t begin and end with loving others, it begins with loving oneself. A truth I am in the process of incorperating into my life.
Wanda, You are on your way to becoming one very sexy lady, I know because you and I are just so much alike. I read your place and shake my head, been there done, that done, I’ll be thinking. We have so many of the samethings that have taken place but yet some so different. I know you are on your way to becoming one of the most beautiful ladies out here.
February 8th, 2006 at 3:28 pm
Confidence, Belief and Knowing one’s self are hard at work in knocking at my door. I hear ‘em as you do, sister. The only thing is that I should open the door more widely to let ‘em in!
Have a good week ahead. Thank you for this empowering reminder.
Cecilia, Open the door wide and let them in for I know you are one lady who is full of passion and should miss out on nothing.
I read you so often and know your heart, beautiful but sad at times yet still so full of passion and love just waiting. Wait no more.
February 8th, 2006 at 7:16 pm
Exactly Vickie, what I have gained over the years(in knowledge, confidence, and open mindedness)I wouldn’t trade for anything, however I have gained something else that I don’t need(weight)but it completes me as a package. I am great just the way I am, and so are all women. Hugs,
Carol, You said it well You are great just the way you are. You are one of the most beautiful ladies I have met and I’m inspired by you and what you have become.
Weight just adds a tad more for us to love of you.
February 8th, 2006 at 8:47 pm
I’ve been so busy moving that I’ve been very lacking in my visitations. But I’m sure you understand and I think you will like the progress we’ve made so far!
Mel, Of course I understand and I know I will like your new home.
February 8th, 2006 at 9:38 pm
A perfect post!
Thanks
February 8th, 2006 at 11:40 pm
I’m scared of girls.
What you scared of girls, go tell that to someone who believes bullshit walks.
I’m not walking, I ride
February 9th, 2006 at 6:50 pm
Thanks for this post. After I read it, I was wondering about your views on the importance of sex in the overall relationship.