At last it is the day for smiling and maybe a little moaning…oh no not that kind, you know the kind I mean. Yes that kind, but first here is a joke or two for you:

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said , she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president’s office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, “$165,000″. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, “What kind of bets?”
The elderly woman replied, “Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.”
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just! looked at the president and said,”Would you like to take my bet?”
“Certainly”, replied the president. “I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.”
“Done”, the elderly woman answered. “But given the amount of money involved, if you don’t mind I would like to come back at 10 o’clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.”
“No problem”, said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that , checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o’clock the elderly woman arrived at the president’s office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president’s testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. “Of course”, said the president “Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.”
The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president notice! ed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, “Oh, it’s probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o’clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!”

Bob, the next time you are standing in front of the mirror checking things out, and the “embiggen” happens or doesn’t you better be careful cause you never know what is coming your way.
************************
A woman and her boyfriend are in a bar having a few drinks. While they’re sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it the more excited she gets and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and let’s her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar: a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth and finally you drink the lime juice. So the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue - salty but ok. He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks - this is ok. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it….
At one second the sharp lime taste hits, at two seconds the Baileys curdles, at three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits. This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink.
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend. She smiles widely at him and says “So, how did you like it? It’s called “Blow Job’s Revenge”.
*************************
What Starts with F A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?”
Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!”
Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave .
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Harry: “9.”
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
Harry: “36.”
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.”
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.”
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Harry, after a moment: “Legs.”
Ms. Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: “Pockets.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Harry: “Pants.”
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?”
Harry: “Coconut.”
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”
The principal’s eyes ! Opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, “Bubble gum.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?”
Harry: “Shake hands.”
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?”
Harry: “Firetruck.”
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong……

Have a great day, smile, play, wear a little yum yum, and who knows what might come your way. If you have a joke or two share it with us right here if not share a smile with us. Yes your comments bring those smiles. Does anyone want to go play or do they just want to set a spell with Ms. Vickie, the Southern Belle.