Guess what, it is Saturday the day we all enjoy and seem to smile easier. Come on pull up a seat, set a spell and get comfortable and I’ll try not to keep you long today. I’ve been told I have a habit of talking to much which translates into writing too much here, so I’ll try to keep my post short and sweet or sweet and sassy as I am. By the way, grab your coffee and take off your shoes if you want to just make yourself right at home here. Now for some smiles…

‘Twas The (Politically Correct) Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”.
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called “Unenlightened.”
And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Oprah, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she’d enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he’d ne’er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football…someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
You’ve got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere…even you.
So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth…
“May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth.”
Along I’ve come and decided it matters not
What you or them might think or say but
For me and mine it has always been and
It will continue to be a Merry Christmas.
Greeting I shall shout out to each
You shall shout your greeting back
After all this is still the USA
Free speech is still one of our rights.

Guess what even Santa has a few pickup lines and here they are …..
10. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
9. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
8. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!
7. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
6. I know when you`ve been bad or good–so let`s skip the small talk, sister!
5. Some of my best toys run on batteries…
4. Interested in seeing the “North Pole”? (Well, that`s what the Mrs. calls it.
3. I see you when you`re sleeping–and you don`t wear any underwear, do you?
2. Screw the “nice” list–I`ve got you on my “naughty” list!
1. Wanna join the “Mile High” club?

Don’t forget the three phrases that have been said to best sum up the Christmas season they are:
“Peace on Earth”,
“Goodwill to Men” and
“Batteries not included.”

See y’all back here tomorrow where you can pull up a seat and set a spell with Ms.Vickie the Southern Belle