We have been hearing a lot about blaming the hurricane’s on Bush well here is the real story…. so consider yourself well educated. Now for the real smiles and they were received from one of my long time friends who I seldom see now that I have moved, Tom. He is also one who recently returned from Iraq and life is not treating him well as he attempts to make adjustments. The one time I have visited with him in person, he did share with me first hand some very up close and personal encounters he experienced while there and all I have to say is no one should experience these things. Once experienced life is never the same, he can never replace the brother I lost but in so many ways Tom has filled that void and as he grew up in a house with only older brothers I am the sister he never had. A very special friend he has always been and one who suffers right now but still manages to bring laughter to my life as he always had. So here is some of the jokes he has provided:

Symptoms of the BIRD FLU…
The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu.
If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:
1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to shit on someone’s windshield.
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SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
“Are you sure it’s mine?”
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They’re hiring.
What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… “a recipe”.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one’s tall enough to go on the good rides
What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…” A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…”
I hope you find a reason to smile today and return tomorrow to pull up a seat, sit a spell with Ms. Vickie the Southern Belle.