Fear | Filed under General
Fear is something I am not afraid to talk about because I face it often in my life especially since Missy (Multiple Sclerosis) came to stay with me. Actually it might even be the driving force behind many of actions or even inactions at times. I am happy to say that my fear has diminished a great deal over the last few years.
I’ve come to learn that fear’s kind of silly in most situations. It does little except make me nervous and aggravated, but it doesn’t change the situation at all. Now, if fear actually helped, I’d be all for it, but it usually doesn’t do much good at all. It’s the result of unrealistic expectations, and there are those who believe that we aren’t actually afraid of situations or people themselves, but of what we consider those situations or people to be. In other words, we create our own fears through the way that we look at the world and the way that we see things. If we see something as a threat, we feel fear; if we see that same thing as a challenge, the fear becomes thoughts of how to overcome that challenge.
Fear also can be self-sustaining. If I’m afraid to make friends, my fear will cause me to do very poorly when I finally do try to do so. Because I do poorly, the situation is extremely awkward and difficult, and chances are very good that I’ll fail in my attempt. Because of the failure, my fear grows, and my chances of success the next time are even slimmer.
In many ways, fear is a form of a lack of faith, and those who feel a great deal of fear aren’t trusting life or their God to be with them. Of course, I’m not talking about the kind of fear that we feel when a car comes careening around a corner right at us at sixty miles an hour–that’s an instinctive, reflexive fear over which we have no control at all. But the fear that keeps us from helping other people, from improving ourselves and starting school again, from giving of ourselves for fear of rejection, from sharing our feelings for fear of ridicule–these fears show that we’re not willing to trust that even if there is rejection or ridicule or failure, God will be there with us and for us, giving us the support that we need to deal with those fears.
Many of our fears–the fear that a relationship will end, the fear that we’ll lose our jobs, the fear that the world will end tomorrow–are fears that have been with us since our very young years, caused by some sort of lacking in our childhood. It could have been the lack of a trustworthy adult role model, or the lack of intimacy, or the lack of a stable place to live, but whatever the cause, it has stayed with us and makes our lives difficult today. Adult children of alcoholics or of gamblers, for example, have very strong issues with fear, and it’s a lot of work–spiritually, emotionally, and mentally–to overcome the fears that have been built over years.
The most important thing that we can do about our fears is to acknowledge them, and then take steps to understand them and their sources. Once we take this step, we can work to overcome them. Fears are our way of keeping ourselves “safe,” but the safety brought about by fears is the false safety that we could get by locking ourselves alone in a small room for the rest of our lives. We wouldn’t ever catch the flu again or get hit by a car or face rejection, but we also never would grow into the people we were meant to be.
All of us must face rejection, failure, pain, humiliation, the anger of others, and many other unpleasant aspects of life. Dealing with these adversities, though, is what helps us to develop our characters and define who we are. If we listen to and obey our fears, we’ll never find out just how strong and admirable our character may grow to be.
Seldom do I really share with you a look into my life with Missy but I am going to allow you a glimpse into my thoughts on something that took place in my life. I might do this more as I decide on a few things about my future.
“Not Afraid to Fall”
When I’m not afraid to fail, I won’t.
When I’m not afraid to fall down, falling down won’t
feel like failure.
I have fallen down enough to get more comfortable with
it, to know how productive it can be, how necessary it
is to growth ,understanding and acceptance.
Still, when I sense the ground beneath me giving way, I
have to remind myself that it’s OK if I falter. I have
to remind myself that it’s more than OK!
It is not only my right and my privilege to walk in the
abundance God has for me, it is my responsibility …
just as it is my responsibility to live the rest of my
truth.
I want to let things unfold without trying to reach a
conclusion prematurely. I will remind myself that it
doesn’t matter what the conclusion is … and that if
it seems to matter, I’m not living MY truth.
I took a day of solitude today. We know what we need.
Taking it is delightful. Taking it is necessary.
Life’s not about staying on your feet. It’s about
getting up when you fall. Thank God.
This does not have to apply to only Missy but to life. May we all not fall and overcome our fear, in doing so we are always on the path to a life which is Simply Good.
Fear can infect us early in life until eventually it cuts a deep groove of apprehension in all our thinking. To counteract it, let faith, hope and courage enter your thinking. Fear is strong, but faith is stronger yet.
Norman Vincent Peal
You gain strength, experience, and confidence by every experience where you really stop to look fear in the face. . . .You must do the thing you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt
If you let your fear of consequence prevent you from following your deepest instinct, your life will be safe, expedient, and thin.
Katharine Butler Hathaway
Fear is like fire. If controlled it will help you; if uncontrolled, it will rise up and destroy you. People’s actions depend to a great extent upon fear. We do things either because we enjoy doing them or because we are afraid not to do them.
John F. Milburn
September 18th, 2005 at 10:27 am
Another excellent post. I’m glad to see you’re back and doing well.
Fear is such a possibly debilitating thing. When I was first diagnosed (RRMS) I spent a year or so in fear and denial and it nearly destroyed everything in my life. Then one day I woke up and realized that the fear wasn’t necessary if I just believed in myself.
Again, wondeful post and thank you for sharing.
September 18th, 2005 at 10:43 am
What an uplifting post! FTS sent me your way, and I will certainly be back.
September 18th, 2005 at 11:08 am
It’s no wonder why I adore you, my friend…. Fear, like a bad addiction, is the hardest thing to let go of. But you are right ~~ with faith we can more easily pick ourselves up adn grow in strength.
Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us Vickie, I am sending the BIGGEST hug your way.
September 18th, 2005 at 12:27 pm
Such an inspirational post! I’ve often felt that fear is what keeps us from feeling really good about our daily lives, especially if we allow that fear to let us slip into a rut and wallow in it.
There’s such a feeling of release (and relief) when we finally emerge from that rut.
I had a friend who was diagnosed with MS shortly after the birth of her second son. It was such a rough time for her. We moved to another city not too long after she was diagnosed. They moved also, and somehow we lost touch. I really miss her company.
FTS sent me here today. Thank you for such honesty in your writing, and to him for the referral :)) I’ll be back!
September 18th, 2005 at 12:43 pm
Vickie could you please email me? Myself and another friend of yours are trying to reach you by email and I think we must have the wrong email addy for you…..thanks!
September 18th, 2005 at 2:40 pm
Excellent post, Vickie. I know with my autoimmune that I have fear. Thanks for sharing !!
*HUGS*
September 18th, 2005 at 2:51 pm
Awesome post, as usual.
My pastor did an entire series called “Know Fear” and ended up writing a book by the same title. He used an arconym: False Evidence Appearing real.
Sometimes, through our fear, we create the very situation which we’re afraid of. It’s not an easy thing to overcome, either.
September 18th, 2005 at 3:00 pm
I can relate to each of those “fears” and how you’ve handled them because I’ve tried to do the same. I don’t feel I’m quite there yet, but am making progress. I used to let fear stop me from living, but I reached a point where I either had to beat the fears or die. I chose to beat them, or at least try my best. I feel I am stronger to face my medical fears than I am in my personal fears, but again, I’m working on them. Now fears like the fear of those nasty bees, spiders, snakes, etc., I may never get over, but I can live with those fears
I’ll say it again, you my dear friend are my inspiration. *LOVE & HUGS*
September 18th, 2005 at 3:16 pm
What an inspirational post - thank you so much. FTS sent me
September 18th, 2005 at 3:37 pm
Fear or faith. I choose faith; fear got me no where and I lived in it longer than I want to admit. Great post my friend.
September 18th, 2005 at 4:52 pm
As always, a great post that makes me think. Thank you for sharing with us!
September 18th, 2005 at 6:33 pm
Hey girl you reminded me of the old saying ” we have nothing to feer but feer itself!”
September 18th, 2005 at 10:24 pm
My confession to you: I wasted some of my precious time fearing. But I know you are right. Thanks for giving me the strength.
September 19th, 2005 at 1:55 am
Hrms…I’ve read - and agree with - that all fear is the same fear: The fear of the unknown.
We fear what we cannot control because it represents the unknown.
An excellent post, by the way - and an interesting topic in my life as well as my lady of 8 years and I set out on different adventures, ending our shared adventure. Who knows where we’ll both be a year from now?
I’d be curious to see what folks here fear. My own primary fear is the fear of being entrapped/entombed. Of not being able to move. (Gee, am I an control freak? Naaaawwww!)
Orion
September 19th, 2005 at 5:05 am
Victoria, you are such an inspiration. Thank you. Great thoughts, excellent points.
September 19th, 2005 at 5:37 am
I hope you’re doing well!!!
xoxoxo’s!!!
September 19th, 2005 at 9:54 am
I am still afraid of things, but hopefully, I will get better and better of letting the real me shine.
Thanks for a great post.:heart:
September 19th, 2005 at 10:21 am
smoochsmoochsmooch
September 20th, 2005 at 4:28 am
Hi, I’ve come by way of The Funky Cowboy’s blog.
My take on fear is that good fear is fear that prompts you to action. If the house is on fire and I’m scared to be burned, I will hightail it out of that house quick smart - good fear. Bad fears for me are the ones that stop us from taking action, paralyse us - fear of making a mistake, fear of looking stupid in front of other people, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown. When we are small, the unknown is so fascinating to us that our parents are constantly running to stop us doing some crazy thing like reaching for a hot cup of coffee or sticking a fork into a power point. Sure there’s risk in being so unafraid, but look what comes of it - we grow and develop at a rate much faster than we ever do as an adult. So whenever fear stops me from acting, that’s when I consider if it’s a fear I need to move past, and often it is.
September 20th, 2005 at 8:44 am
I passed on this post for a while. Things I’ve learned more about, I fear less. I have genuine phobias that I might be able to face and conquer - maybe not. I don’t know if facing the inevitable - the truly inevitable - would bring fear or solitude. I’ll be tested some day. I’m quite sure I no longer fear my own death - unless painfully prolonged. I also know I could react strongly in some fearful situations. I’m convinced fear of many life’s situations has been avoided due to the partner fate paired me with. I am blessed.
September 20th, 2005 at 2:21 pm
I love that song. I saw Amy and Vince this year last year in concert and they were fabulous.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments on my blog. I know I am having a tough time, now, but I also know that I have it so much better than many, many others. I need to be thankful and share what I have with someone else.
Have a super day! XO
September 21st, 2005 at 4:30 am
On the pediatric bt list I help moderate, they call fear:
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
I don’t know if I necessarily agree with the “false” part of it, but fear usually comes along with trying to peer into the future and imagine what will happen.
We all of us need to live in the present. We can’t see the future, even when we think we can. I remind myself of this all the time.
God bless you Vickie.