Pondering Life | Filed under General
It has been over a week since I have been here and there are several reasons. First to Monica, a very special thanks for the calls you made and the effort you went to keep people updated on my MIA. To those who sent e-mails, thank you for your concern and I will respond to each one very soon.
First and the most minor we meet the wrath of lighting which struck and took out our wireless router. The second and most important and the one that has kept me away the most was my visit with the neurologist. Missy has worked on me over time which I knew and thought I had faced. It is very different when you hear it from someone with much more medical knowledge than you have though . I have been in the basement alone evaluating life and grieving and will continue to from time to time. Over time, I have learned that I must grieve and address the changes that take place with Missy for me to adjust in a more healthy manner. If I make the mistake and try to ignore the changes when I least expect it, things come to a big head and it is always in a manner that I have no or very little control over.
Now to let you know just what is going on, I must share a little about Missy. There are five types of Multiple Sclerosis. Multiple sclerosis (MS) is a lifelong illness that can follow one of several different patterns. The more common patterns of MS are listed below:
Relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis:
Relapsing-remitting MS is the most common form of MS and typically occurs in young people. In this form of MS there are unpredictable relapses (exacerbations or attacks) during which new symptoms appear or existing symptoms become more severe. This can last for from days to months and there is partial or total recovery. The disease may be inactive for months or years. Approximately 25% of patients diagnosed with MS have relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis.
Benign multiple sclerosis:
After one or two attacks with complete recovery, this form of MS does not worsen with time and there is no permanent disability. Benign MS can only be identified when there is minimal disability ten to fifteen years after onset and initially would have been categorized as relapsing-remitting MS. Benign MS tends to be associated with less severe symptoms at onset, for example, sensory. Approximately 20% of patients diagnosed with MS have benign multiple sclerosis.
Primary progressive multiple sclerosis:
This form of MS is characterized by a lack of distinct attacks, but with slow onset and steadily worsening symptoms. There is an accumulation of deficits and disability that may level off at some point or continue over months and years. Approximately 12% of patients diagnosed with MS have primary progressive multiple sclerosis.
Secondary progressive multiple sclerosis:
For some individuals who initially have relapsing-remitting MS, there is the development of progressive disability (i.e., nerve and muscle deterioration) later in the course of the disease often with superimposed relapses. Approximately 40% of patients diagnosed with MS have secondary progressive multiple sclerosis. Most patients suffer relapsing-remitting MS before it progresses to secondary progressive MS.
Progressive relapsing multiple sclerosis:
This is a rare form of MS in which the disease is progressive from its initial onset. Symptom flare-ups occur and deterioration continues in between relapses. Approximately 3% of patients diagnosed with MS have progressive relapsing multiple sclerosis.
At this time Missy is no longer of the Relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis type but is now Secondary progressive multiple sclerosis type. This means many things to me in the respect there really is no medication FDA approved for the management of the disease at this stage so the Insurance company could decide to stop covering my medications. I also have other medical problems going on right now that I will be seeing physicians for in the next few weeks to address and seek treatment for that is secondary to Missy.
Now enough about Ms Missy and on to other things I hope each of you is doing well in your life and will share with me again. What I am going to share with you here is for me as well as for you and something I have been doing. I will start it with a special quote from Sydney Banks.
What we are talking about is learning to live in the present moment, in the now. When you aren’t distracted by your own negative thinking, when you don’t allow yourself to get lost in moments that are gone or yet to come, you are left with this moment. This moment–now–truly is the only moment you have. It is beautiful and special. Life is simply a series of such moments to be experienced one right after another. If you attend to the moment you are in and stay connected to your soul and remain happy, you will find that your heart is filled with positive feelings.
Right now. It’s the only moment in the history of the world over which we have any sort of control over our thoughts, actions, or feelings. We can’t control what happened even thirty seconds ago, and we can’t control what’s going to happen in ten minutes, but right now we can make decisions that will help to determine what our future’s like, and that may make amends for past mistakes or build on past successes and achievements.
A few seconds ago, you decided to read this passage. You read the quotation above, probably, and then started on with message. Now you’re deciding whether to continue or not. Each moment of our life is like this: we decide to initiate or continue actions–or inaction–based on what we think is best for ourselves and others. We may get so caught up in what we’re doing that we don’t even notice the wonder of this moment–the sounds, the sights, the feelings–and that’s a shame. This moment doesn’t consist just of what we’re doing; it also consist of what we’re being, and how we’re being it.
“If you attend to the moment you’re in. . .” These are powerful words, and that attention is something that takes practice. This moment is now, and it never shall come again. Feel it, live it, breathe it, and let it be a great contributor to who you are. Sometimes you may lose the moment due to certain tasks that occupy us for extended periods of time, but even then we can be attentive to the task, to its contribution to our lives and who we are, and to the fact that we’re involved in something that probably will serve other people in necessary ways.
Some of my greatest moments have been those when I’ve stopped doing whatever I was doing just to be. I stand in silence and listen. I look at everything around me, no matter where I am, and consider how it’s a part of who I am. I feel whatever’s closest to me. I listen to my breathing. And all this helps to remind me that there’s much more to life than what I’m doing at the moment, and much more to me than just the person who’s involved in this.
Now for a few things to ponder and think about, share with me here as you have many times in the past. I know you are not shy and would like to so please go ahead. This is your place as much as mine or I would like to make it that way. How easy is it for you to notice all that’s around you? Can you do it all of the time? Most of the time? How much do you lose when you don’t pay attention to the present moment?
Will you ever get it back again?
We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand. . . and melting like a snowflake. Let us use it before it is too late.
Marie Beynon Ray
May you have a very special day and move to make certain Life Is Simply Good.
August 15th, 2005 at 1:04 pm
Thanks for sharing so much with us. You help us feel like we are helping you, when the opposite is probably more the case - certainly mutually in many ways. I consider myself acutely aware of what goes on around me. That benefits me most ways, my job, my family. It is also a bit of a curse. When I miss something, I usually miss it big - and I’m usually greatly disturbed when I allow that to happen. Of course, I’m not omnipotent, just aware. I had a teacher once that shared a philosophy that “I am what I think you think I am”. It struck me then and has stuck to me. If I’ve managed to make someone happy, I am thrilled. When I hurt someone, I hurt myself. It’s hard for me to just ‘be’. Those are brief fleeting moments that I have difficulty identifying. The cats out of the bag - I am aware of what goes on around me, but not often aware of my own existence. Sainthood escapes me. Battle on you sweet and sassy woman. There is a depth of strength in you yet messured. And we’re here for you.
August 15th, 2005 at 2:10 pm
I’m so glad you’re back, I’ve been SO worried!!!! *BIG HUGS* I sensed something was wrong and I was praying that you would get through things. Rotten diseases that rob us from life. I understand the grieving (or have an idea of what you went through). You know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers daily.
You never cease to amaze me though, with all you have gone through, to still inspire. Beautiful post.
Love you!!! *HUGS*
August 15th, 2005 at 2:13 pm
Vickie, I’m calling you after work today…we need to talk…you’re still on the prayer list as well…I want you to know you have a true friend in me. If you need anything, let me know.
August 15th, 2005 at 2:32 pm
Thanks for sharing this with us dear. Please don’t scare us like that again with your absence. When my mail was returned undeliverable, Timmy got real anxious. Settle in, and when you feel like it, drop me a line.
August 15th, 2005 at 3:18 pm
Prayers and hugs dear heart. You take care of yourself. We are all praying for you.
August 15th, 2005 at 7:29 pm
What do you say when you read something like this? Were I sitting across from you I would offer you a hug.
You’re right. You have to live in the here and now. Everything else is out of our control.
Take care.
August 15th, 2005 at 8:36 pm
I have missed you so much while you where away. I have worried about you and prayed that you are okay. And now I know that no matter what you are always okay. This post made me cry for several reasons. Stopping in the moment to smell the roses and just appreciate breathing and living is something I do alot of. Sometimes it is not the moment that takes our breath away but our breath that makes the moment.
August 15th, 2005 at 8:36 pm
Well, whats to say. But you deffinently know what life is about. The Now. I am happy you are back posting and have recieved so much. Because now I learn from you. It is the now in which we live and darling you are one person that to share the now with is an honor.
August 15th, 2005 at 9:03 pm
Right in this moment, I want to stop and say how thankful I am that you are back with us. I pray for you, and wish you well. If anyone can lift me up, it is you. You are a precious gift to me and I thank you. Hugs to you Ms. Vickie.
August 15th, 2005 at 10:00 pm
Hi Victoria, I found your blog when looking for other bloggers with MS. I also have SPMS and I’m doing really well, all things considered… have you looked into LDN, www.ldninfo.org, I have been on it for 3 years and have had no progression worth mentioning since starting it. Just thought I’d pass that on for you to ponder. You have a beautiful website and attitude. Your attitude will take you far!
August 15th, 2005 at 10:20 pm
Mi sister of the heart. I so relate. I’m beside you and would take this from you if I could. love, v
August 15th, 2005 at 11:29 pm
Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
Today is a gift–
That’s why we call it the present.
- Eleanor Roosevelt -
We can’t change the direction of the wind,
but we can adjust our sails.
- Author unknown -
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been so down.
A really close friend of mine is a paraplegic, in a wheechair after a freak auto accident. She cautioned me right after my sis-in-law was diagnosed with MS that the unpredictability of the disease and the uncertainty of how one feels from day to day would be one of the greatest challenges.
I’ll offer you the same advice my mom gives me and that I’m trying to take for myself right now–
Phillipians 4:6-7
August 16th, 2005 at 12:31 am
Thanks for being back. Blogsphere is not the same without you. And thanks for Indeendence Day wishes.
August 16th, 2005 at 6:14 am
“I don’t know what all you are going through; but I know a little, and I care - a lot.”
May God grant us all the wisdom and introspection with which He has blessed you Victoria. Our thoughts, love, and prayers to you.
August 16th, 2005 at 7:11 am
Hi Vicky,
I just stumbled onto your website, and I couldn’t agree more with the way your way of looking at life.
My life phrase is: Carpe Diem
Last week I began with blogging in Enlish, so I am not quiet familiar with how things work. I found it hard to write in Enlish, but it’s the only way to improve it
I think Blogging is a wonderful opportunity to meet people, I can’t travel that far, so through internet I bring the world to my home.
I bookmarked this log, so I can revisite you
I think you have wonderful poems and phrases…
have a wonderful day
Jackie
August 16th, 2005 at 7:45 am
Your courage in sharing this information is so real and vivid. I am sorry you are going through this challenge. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your world with us.
August 16th, 2005 at 9:02 am
My dear Soul Lady, I was so happy to hear from you. So it seems that there is more battling to be done ~ we will be walking beside you in this Vickie ~ many of us, your brothers and sisters, living the moments with you! You are in my prayers, definitely.
Thank you for sharing, dear lady.
August 16th, 2005 at 9:45 am
After reading this post, I decided to turn around and attack my son’s piggies with multiple kisses and listen to him giggle before responding.
Unfortunately, living in the present isn’t always a pleasant thing when you have lots of heavy, emotional stuff going on. I just kind of wanted to point that out to people because I think most people get the idea that if they live in the present, they will experience this great joy…and that’s just not so. Grief, pain and other various attitudes are parts of life that need to be experienced in the present as well. I know this all too well. However, when you deal with those things in the present instead of repressing them, you tend to get rid of all that nasty anxiety that wreaks havoc on your body, mind and spirit…which leaves a lot more room for more valuable and positive life experiences.
Many healthy and positive thoughts heading your way.
August 16th, 2005 at 12:40 pm
hello, victoria. I found you through the Yay Yay Sister-friends blog, and I am amazed at the grace with which you write. you are truly an inspiration, and I appreciate that you are sharing your life with us in the blogosphere. much admiration,
heidi
August 16th, 2005 at 2:36 pm
I admire you for your courage in dealing with all of this, not just the MonSter but also the insurance coverage and the other medical issues. In comparison, my own worries seem so futile. Much strength!!!
August 16th, 2005 at 5:46 pm
Thank you for sharing this with us. I was wondering why you were not here. Desease, the unseen enemy is hard to comprehend, but never give up the fight.
You have many friends here and one in me.
August 16th, 2005 at 7:57 pm
My goodness … I’m glad you are back! You will be in my prayers.