In an effort to add a new dimension here at Always Victoria you will begin to see this going forth . Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.” At times the humor just might be R rated and you will be informed so you may decide if you wish to continue on now that is if I do not forget…..just remember I do have MS and I do forget at times.:smile:

Shocking Company Mergers

If Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merged, they would become Polly-Warner-Cracker.

If Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merged, they would become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.

If 3M and Goodyear merged, they would become MMMGood.

If John Deere and Abitibi-Price merged, they would become Deere Abi.

If Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merged, they would become Zip Audi Do Da.

If Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merged, they would become Honey I’m Home.

If CitiBank, Minute Maid, Calvin Klein, You & Me, and No Money Down merged, they would become Calvin Maid You & Me Citi Down a Minute.

If Denison Mines, Alliance, and Metal Mining merged, they would become Mine All Mine.

If Federal Express and UPS merged, they would become FED UP.

If McDonalds, Knots Berry Farm, Old American, and Hada Media merged, they would become Old McDonalds Hada Farm.

If Fairchild Electronics, Honeywell Computers, and Rothschild merged, they would become Fairwell Honeychild.

If 3M, J.C. Penney, and the Canadian Opera Company merged, they would become 3 Penney Opera.

Wait don’t go anywhere there is more Smiles coming your way just turn the page.

Essential Truths to Remember

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

A king size water-bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

According to the latest official figures, 79% of all statistics are totally worthless.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. A ceiling Fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (even double pane) will not stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

Peanuts mixed with sling-shots can seem just as dangerous as dynamite.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke. Lots of smoke.

Compact cars make people look bigger.

Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

VCR’s do not eject peanut butter sandwiches even if TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags and umbrellas do not make good parachutes.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s definitely obsolete.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.

A duck’s quack does not echo. No one knows why, and most do not care.

“A quick sly fox jumped over the lazy brown dog” has every letter in the alphabet. So does “The five boxing wizards jump quickly.”

“If you do not change your direction, you are likely to end up where you are headed” is actually true.

And most importantly, regardless how many times you have to replace the car, carpets, windows, microwave, or ceiling fans, remember that life’s treasures are people, not things.

Smile, Yes Life Is Simply Good