Another day is here and I have many things to leave for you to ponder and think over….so without more Sweet N Sassy of Always Victoria bows to her guests before she departs leaving them with a few of her goods…. to ponder maybe a little inspiration….maybe a little golden nugget will be found in here somewhere or a quote you might enjoy……..or how about a little humor…..or a family recipe from my own cupboard.

It is a good idea to be ambitious, to have goals, to want to be good at what you do, but it is a terrible mistake to let drive and ambition get in the way of treating people with kindness and decency. The point is not that they will then be nice to you. It is that you will feel better about yourself. Robert Solow

Would you like to talk?

One of the easiest ways to complicate our lives is in the area of interpersonal relationships, and the closer the people are to us, the more complicated it can get! Misunderstandings arise in the blink of an eye: a poor choice of words, an unconscious gesture, an incorrect interpretation, sometimes a deliberate attack. All of these cause strain on our relationships and stress on all the parties involved. We need to learn not to talk but to communicate so come along with me…

Open, clear - and immediate - communication is the key to maintaining the joy in relationships. Some people enjoy the challenge and adrenaline rush of a good verbal fight. But even those can turn on a dime. Here are some tips for keeping your relationships smooth and stress-free.

1. Don’t Assume. You know what that makes of U and ME!

When you’re not sure, ask what the person meant. And even more importantly, when you ARE sure, ask what the person meant. How many times have you been angry with someone, talked about it, and found yourself saying “I thought you meant.”?

2. Don’t Interpret Initial Responses or Unconscious Gestures.

This has been a hard one for me to learn. If I suggest something and my husband makes a (usually unconscious) face, I take it as a no. I get hurt or angry and then I tend to withdraw (if he’s lucky!). After 9 years, I am just beginning to get the point that he needs time to mull over the suggestion and rearrange his planned day. In the past, by the time he got around to “Are you ready to (whatever I had suggested)?”, I’d say no. I’d figure that he didn’t really want to do it and it wasn’t going to be fun if he was there under duress. What he’s finally helped me see is that I was putting him in a box, not allowing him time to evaluate the suggestion, which I’d usually had hours to do before suggesting it to him! He also pointed out that if he didn’t really want to do something, he never asked me if I was “ready” to do it or he’d say so right away.

3. Don’t Wait to Talk About It.

The longer you put off talking about stress in a relationship, the more stressful the relationship becomes. The more you think about the small slight or hurt, you more you remember - or invent - big ones. And then, when that molehill becomes an erupting mountain, the other person has no idea where it’s coming from! As soon as you realize something is “off”, talk about it.

4. Put Yourself in Their Shoes.

Imagine how you would feel and react to the situation. This isn’t always easy to do, but it puts you in a place where conversation becomes possible.

5. Start Conversations with “I”.

Tell the other person “When you do x, I feel..” Let them know why something affects you. Also, starting with a “You” statement generally feels like (and often is) an attack. Those conversations usually escalate before they an get better.

6. When someone asks what’s wrong, don’t say “Nothing”.

This is something a lot of us women do. I don’t know why we do, but we do. If you are lucky enough to have someone who asks what’s wrong, then tell them! They obviously care enough to want to remove the stress, so work with them on this one!
****************************************************************************************************

Whatever you want to do, do it now.
There are only so many tomorrows.

Michael Landon

*****************************************************************************************************

Though we travel the world over
to find the beautiful,
we must carry it with us
or we find it not.

Ralph Waldo Emerso

*****************************************************************************************************
Sunday Sweet Potatoes (Sweet Potato Surprise)

3 cups Sweet Potatoes (pre‑cooked and mashed)
1 cup Sugar
1/2 cup Milk
1 tsp. Vanilla
2 Eggs
1/3 cup Margarine

Combine sweet potatoes, sugar, milk, vanilla, eggs, and margarine.
Pour into buttered baking dish

Topping:
1 cup Coconut
1 cup Pecans (chopped)
1 cup Light Brown Sugar
1/3 cup Flour
1/3 cup Margarine (melted)

Blend coconut, pecans, light brown sugar, and flour.
Add margarine last to blend.
Spoon finished mixture over top of the potatoes in buttered dish.
Bake at 375 degrees until lightly brown or approximately 20 minutes
depending on oven characteristics.

This is my wonderful mother-in-law’s recipe. You will love it if you ever try it. I promise you …

*****************************************************************************************************
This humor may not reflect my political thoughts it is for humor only….

One sunny day in 2005 an old man approached the White House
from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he’d been sitting on
a park bench. He spoke to the U. S. Marine standing guard
and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President
Kerry.”

The Marine looked at the man and said, “Sir, Mr. Kerry is
not the president and doesn’t reside here.”

The old man said, “Okay” and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House
and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet
with President Kerry.”

The Marine again told the man, “Sir, Mr. Kerry is not the
president and does not reside here.”

The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and
spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying, “I would like
to go in and meet with President Kerry.”

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at
the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you
have been here asking to speak to President Kerry. I’ve
told you already that Mr. Kerry is not the president and
does not reside here. Don’t you understand?”

The old man looked at the Marine and said, “Oh, I
understand. I just love hearing it.”

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you
tomorrow.”

******************************************************************************************************
A father asked his 11-year-old son if he knew about the birds and the
bees.
“I don’t want to know!” the child said, bursting into tears. “Promise
me you won’t tell me!”
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, “When I was six, I got the “There’s no Santa speech.”
At seven, I got the “There’s no Easter Bunny’ speech.”
When I was eight, you hit me with the “There’s no tooth fairy speech.”
“If you’re going to tell me that grownups don’t really get laid, I’ll
have nothing left to live for.”

***********************************************************************************************************
A single gentle rain makes the grass many shades greener. So our prospects brighten on the influx of greater thoughts. We should be blessed if we lived in the present always, and took advantage of every accident that befell us, like the grass which confesses the influence of the slightest dew that falls on it; and did not spend our time in atoning for the neglect of past opportunities, which we call doing our duty. We loiter in winter while it is already spring.

Henry David Thoreau
****************************************************************************************************

Things are pretty heavy at Always Victoria’s for the time being as I discovered a breast mass in my mother’s right breast when bathing her on Saturday. It is significant in size and she has known about it for about three months but has not told anyone about it has been growing. She had her left breast removed in 1985 for breast cancer but did not require any additional treatment for all nodes were clear. My sister has drawn the conclusion we have come to take over things and get what we can and gain financially from my mother. We are actually living here to help my mother so she can stay in her home the way she wants to. We contribute and give to her financially not take and have been since my dad died. I know each of us have our own problems to deal with so take that deep breath, step back, and remember Yes Life Is Simply Good At Always Victoria’s even in the basement. Thanks my friends for the hugs and thoughts but most of all for returning to visit.